Review of Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) by Michael R — 09 Jan 2014

Eh, it had a decent plot and you're kind of interested in what's happening but they really fucked it up at the end. They're basically trying to cure alzheimer's with this drug and start testing it on monkeys which makes them smart. Then they get all pissy about the fact that they're in captivity and they stage this huge escape and start attacking all the faggots in san francisco.

That's the part where they fucked up big time. They have this massive gaggle of apes running around breaking everything and people are shitting their pants and screaming. But the movie is kind of pussy so it doesn't really show anyone get killed or blood or anything. Then they raid the golden gate bridge to try to get to 'freedom', which is the redwoods.

First they go to the lab that created them to free all the other monkeys and make them smart with drugs too. And they demolish the fucking place and presumably kill the guards and staff (you don't really know because they won't show shit).

The cops have the far side of the bridge barricaded off with like 4 swat officers... waiting for the apes to get there. And they bring in a chopper and have one guy shooting from there but then some ape takes it down...

The whole time I was thinking 'Why are you flying close enough for them to jump on to the chopper? And why is there only one chopper involved? Where the fuck is the national guard?'.

Kind of made the whole thing stupid because you can't really have an ape population rise up and take control that way. You'd have the military so far up their ass, it wouldn't even be close to a fair fight.

Only one of the apes could barely speak English.

Decent idea but it ended up being such a waste. Why can't anyone cum up with a half decent movie?