Review of Return to Me (2000) by Sarah E — 07 Mar 2011

I didn't think there was such a thing as too much David Duchovny. There still isn't. He could come back for another 18 seasons of anything - have him laying around on a couch eating sunflower seeds reading the collected works of Gertrude Stein and I would watch the hell out of it. My attraction isn't sexual, surprisingly; I just recognize that Duchovny is freaking awesome. AWESOME.

Return to Me is a movie that feels like it's 8 hours long strictly because it doesn't have enough Duchovny in it. The movie spends too long setting up the melodrama and not enough time just sticking to formula. It's a chick flick: I want ten minutes to know why these characters are made for each other, some kind of meet-cute, and then, just when we're bound for marital bliss, have their mutual neuroses tear them apart before the big finale where they're reunited. I don't want a half an hour of death and destruction. I don't want another half an hour where these characters don't know each other. I also don't want a half an hour of nothing but five geriatrics debating love and stereotypes. I want Duchovny being cute and wounded! I want Minnie Driver doing as little as possible! I want Bonnie Hunt being a helpful best friend! And I want all of these things in a nice, hour-and-fifteen-minute-ish packagae. I got like five percent of each of these things, because again, Return to Me is just too freaking long.

Still better than Iron Man 2 though :).