Review of Return of the Jedi (1983) by Mo B — 24 Dec 2015

I would say that Richard Marquand is a crap director and only marginally better than Lucas himself, but anecdotal evidence suggests that Lucas had much less creative presence on Empire and he wanted to be more hands on for Jedi. And where was Empire's director Irvin Kerhsner at this time? Only cashing a paycheck making one of the worst James Bond films. Return of the Jedi is an uneven film, but it does have plenty of good stuff and more competency is on display than in anything Lucas directed. Instead of a straight forward review, I decided to just nerd out almost scene by scene.

Instead of a quick catch-up summary, the opening text crawl dumps the second Death Star reveal like it's meaningless. Even if they omitted it, the first scene is basically just Darth Vader landing on the new Death Star to reprimand some construction supervisor for not building fast enough. It's a missed opportunity and pretty inexcusable filmmaking.

"R2, look! Captain Solo, and he's still frozen in carbonite!" Thanks for taking the time to explain that for anyone that's confused, gold butt.

This film has a notable amount of logical leaps. The droid torture scene, for example. What does Jabba hope to gain from burning some garbage can's feet? And why can't any information they have be extracted with a computer? The puppets in this scene are pretty shoddy compared to the creatures in the rest of the movie, especially Jabba, who looks more detailed and lifelike than any other made up thingy in the trilogy. The Rancor is well done too, even if it's kind of a sucky monster that's defeated by a garage door. Jabba's annoying little pet needed to have his head ripped off, though.

The scene where Jabba drops the slave dancer into the trap door is another mark against storytelling. I've never seen and I hope to never see the Special Edition version of this scene, but aside from how unsettlingly revealing the girl's costume is in a film that is essentially Lucas' first step towards pandering towards children in the franchise, the scene removes the element of surprise later on when Luke gets dropped in and we're basically just waiting for it to happen.

The rescue plan doesn't make any sense. Why sell Chewbacca to Jabba only to wait and come back later? How do they know they would keep him prisoner and not just kill him right away? Did they need the money that badly? Why is Leia wearing lipstick under her disguise? The implausible Han-Chewie reunion is adorable, though.

Leia in the slave bikini is one of the most iconic nerd boner moments in film history. Carrie Fisher looks undeniably sexy. But why the hell is it okay for us to feel like this? She's being subjugated and reduced to a sexual object. We're supposed to feel horrible for her. Right? Rip any woman's clothes off against her will and she's a victim. It would have been more dramatic for her disguise to be torn up with any exposed skin to be bruised and scraped. Instead we're kind of thanking Jabba for setting our loins ablaze.

And what about that sarlacc pit? Sure, the idea of being digested for over 1,000 years is unpleasant, but if the start of the digestion process doesn't kill you, starvation will after about two weeks. So, what, there's this thing that lives in the desert and grabs at things that run by like a venus fly trap? The desert is barren. How can it survive if space gangsters don't feed it regularly? Worst of all, in a proto-Jar Jar moment, Han kills Boba Fett accidentally. So much for that guy. The explosion of Jabba's sail barge is one of the best kabooms to ever come from ILM.

Something I didn't remember is Yoda telling Luke that he won't be a Jedi until he confronts Vader. But in the previous movie, he specifically told him not to do that so that he could complete his Jedi training. A mixed message you are giving. Or maybe Yoda was dying of space Alzheimer's. But then Obi Wan, who got a Force ghost haircut, encourages him to go after Vader too, when he also told him not to in Empire.

The whole reveal of Leia being Luke's sister is one of the worst, most half-baked afterthoughts in the franchise. Putting aside that time she stuck her tongue in her brother's mouth, she's a very high profile princess. The prequel BS about separating them for their protection makes no sense. She was in harm's way before Luke even held a light saber and both were heavily involved in dangerous, high stakes Rebel Alliance missions. They would have been safer being raised as Yoda's swamp children, since he managed to live alone and unmolested for about 20 years.

What's up with the Emperor's mouth? It's like he's trying to emphasize his mouth movements so deaf people can read his lips better.

The reunion of our heroes is too short lived, as they split up fairly quickly after a mercifully brief Rebel mission briefing. Instead of developing the Lando-Han friendship and how Lando fits in with the others, he goes off on his own to do a remake of the first film's trench run with some guy who looks a penis with fish eyes. This and the entire trip to Endor's moon just doesn't feel like they matter much compared to Luke's visit with the Emperor. Why couldn't everyone go on the shield generator mission and then attack the Death Star together?

The speeder bike scene is really cool and is probably one of the best action scenes in the entire trilogy. It seems weird and illogical to have dangerous high speed vehicles that travel within the forest, opposed to over or around it, when at any moment the scout troopers can slam into a tree if they get distracted. No side or rear-facing weaponry or collision detection warning seems short-sighted. But I guess the Empire really excels at impractical, easily defeated weaponry.

"I have felt him, my master.".

"Strange that I have not.".

Heeheeheeheheheheh.

What's to say that hasn't been said about Ewoks. They're commonly regarded as cute, but when I watched this time around, I noticed that their eyes are colorless and dead. Also working against the cute factor is, oh, I don't know, how they were going to cook and eat Han, Luke and Chewbacca? Imagine an alternate timeline where they're gnawing through barbecued Wookiee entrails while Darth Vader goes around exploding more planets.

Watching the little fur turds defeat an entire battalion of Stormtroopers is a trilogy low, Jar Jar on a wide scale. The awesome stop motion walker models look amazing, but they're wasted as comic relief here. Chewie commandeering one of them would have been sufficiently cool and entertaining on its own. But hurray for adorable murder.

"I know. Somehow, I've always known." Except that time you made out with him.

Why do the pilots call Lando 'Gold Leader' instead of General? And how loosey goosey is the Alliance that they hand out general ranks to new guys like it was a free subscription to Men's Fitness?

The final space battle over Endor is passable, but not terribly memorable compared to first two films. It looks great and the Death Star explosion is bigger and better than the original confetti balloon, but it just seems like obligatory plot movement instead of an epic action set piece that created a new standard in visual effects.

Of course, the highlight of Return of the Jedi is the best light saber duel in the entire trilogy. In the first film, the fight was brief, kinda lame and only serves to write Obi Wan out of the picture. The one in Empire was about uneasy confrontation, with Luke fighting for his life, only to discover a truth that shakes him to his core. Jedi introduces a new character motivation for Luke in that he wants to reforge a bond with his father and turn him back to good. Darth Vader apparently wants Luke to help him kill the Emperor. And the Emperor doesn't seem to want another Skywalker notch on his headboard, but he wants to replace crusty, high maintenance Vader with a younger, possibly more powerful model and openly encourages Luke to kill him. Of course he's going to turn against you, you dumb albino.

It's all a bit weird, as there are no signs of Luke turning evil or being remotely tempted by the Dark Side. The Emperor, Vader and Yoda constantly talk about the power of the Dark Side to the point where it can be the only trigger in a drinking game, but it doesn't much matter. The Dark Side apparently thrives on normal human emotions like hate and anger, but Luke proves that you can and should feel these things and it doesn't have to define you. Why is killing the Emperor or Darth Vader something that would pull him towards the Dark Side, but it's okay slice up, shoot and explode a ton of Stormtroopers, TIE fighter pilots, Jabba minions and however many people on the original Death Star (368,937 according to Wookieepedia)?

So then, Darth Vader searches for a hidden, terrified Luke with the Force, psychically discovering that Leia is his daughter. When Vader threatens to turn her evil, Luke reveals himself. The music swells and emotions run high as Luke easily outfinesses Vader. For a moment, he was willing to give up on saving his father and killing him for the sake of his sister. But of course he doesn't finish him off. He's the good guy and good guys don't execute the unarmed and helpless.

What happens next is pretty stupid, even without the extra James Earl Jones 'Noooooo!'s added. For some reason, the Emperor genuinely thinks Luke will kill him and join the Empire. Why? Does he think that all poor people really want is to control, oppress and murder? It's still a great moment when Vader ultimately betrays him to save his son. For all the hoopla about the power of the Dark Side, it can't save you from being thrown down a big hole.

And so, Luke gives a tearful goodbye to his father after he sees his real face, the Death Star is destroyed (again) and we have lots of hugs, fireworks and Ewok music to go out on. And Wedge is there too. Remember Wedge? He was in all three movies but is somehow less developed than Boba Fett. Watch for Lando dancing awkwardly.

For all its flaws and silliness, the trilogy ends on a high note. These three films leave an incredible impression that stand the test of time. Star Wars changed the world forever and these original films will never be forgotten, no matter how much the brand gets diluted by prequels, merchandising, non-canonical works or Disney itself. The last film might be a huge step back in terms of overall quality, but at least it's decent enough to not be widely considered a terrible ending that some other unfortunate franchises were killed by.