Review of Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) by Raine L — 30 Mar 2014

My mind has been officially fried! 10 years from the release of the first in this franchise and its clear to see the yet again, im so glad I dont need to say his name for a long time, Paul W.S. Anderson cant even wrap up his own wild creation that he has done nothing but hold on a lifeline for 10 years, using almost as a vehichle for his wife, Milla to be relevant in modern day cinema, the problem is, she could actually be something, if she would just stop running away from the undead in slow motion for 5 minutes.

Once Afterlife finished my brain had literally burst wide open, anything could have happened by the begining and it would have made little to no impact to me what so ever, but then the slow motion REWIND title sequence begins where all the major characters of the previous film apart from Alice, well they just arent there.

Maybe Ali Larter and Wentworth Miller couldnt stand it, or im willing to bet that would have been two more importantish characters to include into the self indulgent, mish mash of nonsensical drivel of a film.

It starts as Alice wakes up married to Oliveri, with a daughter and living in a suburban area, 10 seconds in and zombies are everywhere, things are exploding and blood is everywhere, even michelle rodriguez makes an appearance as a completely different character.

Soon we find out it was only a dream... no sorry it was only a simulation and actually the red queen from the first movie has went postal and everyone and their mother has ended up in this under water research facility masked to be a testing ground for biohazard weapons.

So Rain, Oliveri, Jill, and Colin whatever his name is end up giving chase to Alice after she bumps into Ada Wong and decides to side with her arch nemesis Wesker and then Leon, Barry and Luther end up on a rescue mission.

.. The story is ludicrious, like beyond followable. I had no idea who or what was going on half the time, the slow motion was back with a vengence and the constant ramming of characters just made me laugh, half of them werent even trying, Ada and Leon are worse than 1 dimensional, a cat could give a better performance.

Barry is entertaining enough to hold your attention for 60 seconds but thats it really. The script is awful, the slow motion is back in fuckin force and its just balls to the wall nonsense. It gets half a point more than Afterlife because for its actual running time it manages to cram in so much action, I think their may actually only be about 17 minutes in total out of 90 that dont include fighting, gun shooting, jumping, running, explosions, driving, monsters and slow motion kicks, flips and hops! This film is essentially a mindless shoot a thon, with paper thin everything, nobody is bothering their arse anymore as the check is definatly in the mail and yes, you guessed it, it ends on a cliffhanger.

There was a moment where I thought, hold on, this could be it, this really cant go further, its too conviluted, to crammed, nothing more can come of this.... Well trust Mr Anderson to come up with something even more out there than before.

the final 30 seconds make you feel suicidal, If I ever meet Paul I am going to sit him down and ask if, honestly dude, for 10 years of your life, god knows how many more if another gets made, did you honestly look at your films and think, yeah, I am achieving something great here.

Whats worse is that sometimes semi decent talent crop up in these films and your left scratching your head as to why they thought their inclusion in such nonsense would be beneficial to their career. Who is giving Paul Anderson money to make these, how can these movies in this current climate make the money they do? apart from me, who is just watching this as an exercise of how not to make a film, who is actually buying tickets and dvds of these films? honestly, id like to know.

Just shut your brain off, dont think about anything and watch 76 minutes of bullets flying everywhere and 14 - 17 minutes of confusing chatter.