Review of Resident Evil: Extinction (2007) by Dimity P — 07 Mar 2013

This is the perfect movie for you if you fit one or more of the following conditions:

A.) you patiently sat through the preceding two Resident Evil movies to only then fume "you know, the action scenes were ok...but there was just toooo much plot for me".

B.) you are a plant and too much of your precious energy is spend photosynthesizing to handle complex, sensical movies.

C.) you are in fact not one individual, but a island full of republicans who share the same brain.

D.) your version of the post-apocalyptic future is one in which all minorities are quickly dispatched to leave only very hot women who somehow manage to find short shorts and garters to wear despite all the survivin' they must do.

If you are e.) (none of the above), maybe you should steer clear of this movie. I in fact don't have the words to explain how fucking retarded this shit was...seriously. During the movie, my cats managed to open a box of cheezits, haul the inner bag out of the box, chew a hole in said bag and eat some of the crackers which basically means they are too intelligent to write the future sequels.