Review of Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) by Ryan M — 12 Jan 2011

2.2/10.

As if "Resident Evil" weren't enough to completely destroy any potential goodness in the film adaptation(s) of the popular Video Game franchise, "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" just manages to plunge further into complete awfulness. I couldn't stand the first film, so why make a second? For money maybe? No, not maybe; in fact, money was the only reason why this sequel was made. It wasn't made because anyone involved has a passion for films or even "Resident Evil"; as long as they get their massive pay-check, then they're sold. And that's only part of why "Apocalypse" is so darned awful. Aside from being an excessive potboiler by any other name, the movie also tends to repeat the flaws of the first movie, although most things are worse than they already were. The only things that haven't changed are the mediocrity of the CGI, the awful acting, and the stupid action sequences. Things just aren't looking up for this series, and while "Apocalypse" has equally as much violence and mayhem as its predecessor, I was never entertained by it. If you want dumb but fun action, then see "Hellboy", which is a much better film that also released in 2004. If you want a horribly made sci-fi zombie flick, then you should indeed be in the process of watching "Resident Evil: Apocalypse". But I'm just going to assume that you didn't want a horribly made sci-fi zombie flick to begin with. Like the first "Resident Evil" movie, give the sequel a solid skip. It's even less worthy of your time and even more boring than the original movie was, and that's never a good thing. There have been better sequels just like there have been better action films. This movie succeeds at being neither. The only thing that it succeeds in being is a flat-out boring film that doesn't know how dumb it is. On the bright side, it has some unintentional laughs and even though you chuckle, expect it to hurt. Only a movie without a soul can make you laugh and make it painful, but then again, "Apocalypse" has neither a soul nor a heart. That's why it's the completely awful mess that it is.

"Apocalypse" makes it so that you didn't have to actually sit through the first movie to get where the story is going. It makes use of flash-backs towards the beginning and then descends into being "its own thing". But then again, "its own thing" is quite a boring one at least. So the virus has been let loose onto the world and Alice has indeed escaped experimental captivity. Thus, she becomes an epic apocalyptic warrior who decides to recruit some other apocalyptic warriors to wipe out these undead bastards. Therefore, "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" is all about survival. This could have worked to the film's advantage if the characters were worth analyzing and the story was worth following. But since neither of these things seem present in this flick, nothing can save it from completely sucking. "Apocalypse" is essentially more of the same; characters figuring out obvious thing OUT LOUD, ridiculously bland action sequences, and a terrifically convoluted plot (if something convoluted can be terrific). "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" sucks because it's the same thing as the original in terms of being all (intended) style and no substance. The plot bored me to tears once again, and the new characters are as disposable and cringe-worthy as the first set was. All in all, it's another crappy "Resident Evil" movie. That's a shame, because I thought that the end of "Resident Evil" left something epic to happen, but no: they just had to go and screw everything up with pure ignorance. Consider it an action film without action and a thriller without thrills. Now how good does that sound?

I would be giving Milla Jovovich too much of my time if I were to describe her performance yet again. Basically, not much has changed from the first movie. She still sucks, she's still somewhat emotionless, and I'm still waiting on her to do better. The rest of the cast sucks even more, since every old actor is replaced with an equally as uninspired and lame new one. Some of the actors are so horrible that a couple words that they utter actually struck me as unintentionally funny. That's not good enough to make "Apocalypse" enjoyable, I'm just saying that it's the closest thing to joy that you'll find with the movie. The only decent actor was Jared Harris, who has talent but doesn't use it. This movie is simply pathetic, not only because of the cast, but because there's nothing to back up the fact that it's underplotted and noisy as hell. Even Video Game fans should turn away.

"Resident Evil: Apocalypse" is exploding with style, but empty when it comes to executing it all in a way that actually makes sense. For starters, I like me a good action flick once in a while; even if it's dumb, stylized fun. "Apocalypse" isn't an action film, as it never thrills with all the gun-fights and mutant-zombie-things. It's the kind of movie that I should enjoy due to the fact that it's just so bat-shit crazy, but when it's this stupid, what is there to like? I mean really. With Paul W.S. Anderson out of the Director's Chair I thought they would take the time for improvements. WRONG! Alexander Witt is a director who possesses none of which his last name may ironically imply, and in many ways he is every bit as bad as Anderson. First of all, he probably thinks that he's made something with this sequel. Well let me tell him something: he hasn't. If he's made anything, then it's a frustrating, stupid piece of junk. It's forgettable and ludicrous, with entertainment as pleasing as its quality. If you didn't like "Resident Evil", then you can stop right there. I intend to finish this series so you don't have to, and I'm excited to give you the ever-so-negative final verdict when I finally come around to seeing the final two installments. I'm guessing that the sequel is worse while the second sequel might just be a little better. Let's hope for all of that, since I'm in no mood to appreciate any installment within such a horrible series. Please, save yourself from witnessing such a horrific cataclysm of a movie. Watch something else. It will do you good.

"Apocalypse" sucks because it ruins what could have been a huge improvement on the original. With a little more appealing style and intelligent action, "Apocalypse" could have been a kick-ass action flick. But you know what; the fact that it's a "Resident Evil" movie alone seemed to nearly destroy all potential to be decent. I know that someone out there will enjoy it, although I can't see why the heck they would. When we've got such a horrible case of the cheesy cinematic blues on our hands, you know we're in deep trouble. Movies like this should not be made. I know how important money is, but filmmaking is an art. It's meant to be a gift; or perhaps just a passion. Either way, whoever possesses such a talent will use it. Alexander Witt, much like Paul W.S. Anderson, does not possess such a gift. They're both men who think they know how to use a camera. Yeah, they sure know how to operate it. But they don't know how to create entertainment. The production of this film is equally as bad as the final product. You just wait and see; someday we'll all forget these movies. I'm already in the process. Only see it if you're a fan of horribly made films. If it aimed to be that, then "Apocalypse" is a damn good success. But in my heart, I think it wanted to be a fun flick. And since it's not, it's more than a genuine misfire; it's a huge stinker. Avoid it like the infectious virus as depicted in this movie. It's bound to give you a heck of a negative reaction once its run its course.