Review of Reptilicus (1961) by Paul P — 07 Jun 2007

The Sockpuppet From Hell!! :=8O.

Ahem.

Yes, let's make one thing absolutely clear from the get-go: Reptilicus is a sock-puppet. A rather sad, obvious sock-puppet. It has glued-on snaggly teeth, tiny, useless arms, no legs worth mentioning, and it spews forth cheesy fx that are supposed to be flames or acid or Gouda, or something.

The mighty Danish Armed Forces (there's a laugh!) can't stop the sock, despite possessing tons of stock footage NATO tanks; the puppet chases hundreds of local extras hither and yon, across drawbridges and through the lovely cobblestoned streets of Copenhagen. They look back, point, and scream in terror over...a sock puppet.

The Sock is an amazing critter: it has the magical ability to instantly hid itself completely behind barns, rocks, houses, rabbits, or whatever happens to be around. Barely-off-camera strings manage to make it gamble gayly through the streets of Denmark's capitol (which suspisciously like a model), and no amount of stock footage tanks or screaming, pointing Dames can seem to stop its horrific onslaught.

Actually, Reptilicus is the silliest, moost laughable excuse for a monster that the MooCow has seen in a while, possibly even rivaling the giant wooden puppet-bird in Giant Claw, or the giant evil pickle from It Conquered the World.

I know, I know, the ads bill Reptilicus as the "Danish Godzilla", but honestly, it looks like a sad reject from the old "Kukla, Fran, and Ollie " kiddie puppet show, except not nearly as scary. Believe the MooCow - yer gonna laugh yer spots off when you see this sad, mangy sock kick the stuffing out of Denmark.

Unfortunately, the scenes without the sock grind on and on - no offense to our Danish cousins but this moovie portrays the Danes as a stodgy, humorless bunch of cheeseheads. What passes for humor is a single dopey Dane, Peterson the night watchman (Dirch Passer - he starred in a bunch of Danish moovies that the MooCow cannot pronounce). The aforesaid comedy includes Paterson watching germs on his sandwhich crawl around, and seeing him stick his huge, meaty hands inside an electric eel tank. "Yep, everything here is electric", says Peterson, dead-panned.

Yeah. If you find that funny, the MooCow has a few hundred acres of swampland to sell you real cheap. :=8P.

Reptilicus was directed by Sid Pink, who brought more mooments of shame and pain as a director, including Journey to the Seventh Planet and I was a Burlesque Queen; as a producer he unpchucked such wretched piffle as Bwana Devil, The Thing Without a Face, and Angry Red Planet.

It was Reptilicus that Pink wanted to make a big splash into the monster moovie scene, and if you call a belly-slop a big splash, well then I guess ol' Pinky got what he wanted.

If, cowever, you get scared watching this wretched film, the MooCow feels very, very sorry for you. MooCow says check Reptilicus out, if only to prove that Danish Blue isn't the only stinky cheese to come from Denmark.

;=8).