Review of Reindeer Games (2000) by Mr. B — 14 Dec 2009

On the second day of the "Misfit Holiday Reviews" I go from an unforgettable action extravaganza to an unrememberable bore: Reindeer Games.

Movies like this is what fueled my hatred for Ben Affleck in my freshmen year of high school. But now, he seems like an okay dude. Still a pretty lousy actor, but maybe not the douche bag I originally thought he was. I heard that some kid with a terminal illness had one request before he died: go gambling with Ben Affleck in Las Vegas. And Ben did just that. So kudos to you Mr. Affleck, you are less of a d***!

But I'm way off topic, now. The story is about a an ex-con named Rudy (Get it, like the reindeer! These writers are so f***ing clever!). After his best friend Nick (Just like St. Nicholas! These guys are on FIRE!!!) is killed in a prison riot, his dying request is for Rudy to meet up with his sexy pen pal, Ashley, played by Charlize Theron. Seeing as how Ashley doesn't know what Nick looks like, Rudy will be pretending to be Nick so as not to break her heart.

So when Rudy is set free, he makes his way to Michigan (represent) to find his new f***-buddy. As it turns out, Ashley is among a group of petty criminals, led by her own brother Gary Sinise, who are going to rob an Indian casino dressed as Santy Clauses. And they seem to have room for one more.

Director John Frankenheimer was very good at directing action, especially car chases. You could tell he was losing his touch in this movie, as many of the action scenes are very bland, or are just "all right". Despite being made in 2000, the camerawork looks like something those rebellious hepcats were making in the swinging 60's (that's not good). It looks inappropriately grainy and aged. And clearly the writer had some Tarantino influences in the character development, because everyone has those strange quirks about them that don't have anything to do with the story, but have to be mentioned anyway.

The story is incredibly implausible. Not that I wasn't willing to suspend my disbelief for ninety minutes, but there comes a point in a movie where certain things can't happen on "regular Earth", but in some strange "alternate Earth", where Sarah Palin won the 2008 election, and nobody cared about Kate Gosselin.

Is there anything redeeming about Reindeer Games? We get to see Theron's naughty bits, but I could just watch Devil's Advocate for that. Juvenile, I know, but when a movie is this boring, you'll start counting the snowflakes to pass the time, and a pair of knockers really throw you for a loop! The cast is pretty good; we get Sinise, Theron, Danny Trejo, Clarence Williams III, Denis Farina, the dad from Grounded For Life, and even Ashton Kutcher has a brief role in the movie.

When it comes to Christmas cheer, Reindeer Games has very little. But it'll cure insomnia faster than Nyquil and a Snuggie. And if you STILL haven't watched Die Hard, I'm coming over to kick your a**!