Review of Red Riding Hood (2011) by John M — 08 Feb 2013

One of the most boring soap operas you could ever have the misfortune of watching. For better or worse, this is a modern reimagining of the old school fairy tale, starring Amanda Seyfried. This is actually two movies infused together.

The first one being the fairy tale that should take maybe a half hour tops to tell, but so much padding to make it a full length feature ends up making it boring to the point of being brain melting. The second is Twilight.

I'm not saying it's like Twilight, I'm saying it IS Twilight. You have the melodrama pumped up to eleven, two guys fighting over a girl and horrendously awkward scenes where there's suppose to be sexual tension.

They even got a guy who looks like Robert Pattinson and the director of the first Twilight movie to helm it, Catherine Hardwicke. This is like porn for adolescent teenage girls who fantasize about guys fighting over them.

There's just so little happening and when it's playing to the Twilight audience, I almost got whiplash from rolling my eyes so hard. And when I say there's nothing happening, I REALLY mean it.

They don't even give Gary Oldman anything interesting to do, which is a crime in and of itself. It's about 45 minutes before anything actually occurs, and then you get to see one of the goofiest looking CGI werewolves of all time (which is actually just a wolf).

Red Riding Hood is a chore to watch; there's nothing to recommend about it and it is a tedious waste of your time.