Review of Real Men (1987) by Happy D — 06 Mar 2017

Real Men is a lost treasure that holds up surprisingly well 30 years after its release. The fourth star in the rating is grading on a curve, I admit, but Real Men deserves such consideration by knowing what it is at all times, throwing lampshade left and right. Many of its gags work because you can see right in front of you how much they're doing with how little.

And "little" is clearly what they have, budget-wise. But Jim Belushi - in perhaps his only likeable role - and John Ritter make it work. The story is as simple as it is silly, trafficking in the ol' bathtub gin spy fiction trope, but adds a sci-fi twist and a slice of Cold War politics (which, naturally, it treats with steadfast irreverence).

Nick (Belushi), the lone wolf super-agent who also happens to be The Best(TM), must escort super-agent lookalike Bob (Ritter) to a very important rendezvous with a friendly alien species who is offering a trade: Either the Good Package (technological advancement) or the Big Gun (exactly what you think it is) - in exchange for a glass of water. This is precisely as silly as it should be for Real Men, while clearly being the aliens' test of humanity's, uh, humanity.

Naturally, there are opposing forces, some who want the Good Package (represented by Nick and Bob), and some who want the Big Gun (practically everyone else). As Nick babies Bob along, each grow and change in predictable ways, though no less enjoyable for that. Nick - the tough guy super spy who makes impossible one-shot kills from ridiculous angles and ludicrous positions, and who MacGyvers a machine gun nail-thrower out of a Band-Aid box, some vacuum cleaner tubing, and a coat hanger - becomes more sensitive, while Bob - the milquetoast beta male afraid of confrontation - turns into such a badass he can stare down barroom bullies and break up a team of thieves in his spare time.

Along the way, the gags come in vignettes that spoof the spy genre, sex comedies, double-crosses, meet-the-parents tropes, and, for some reason, clowns. Real Men does have the usual 1980s problem with women, who are largely played as sex objects, or homemakers, or Beautiful All Along, but its second-most memorable female role goes to Isa Jank's wink-wink-named Dolly, the trenchcoat-KGB negotiator who gets the upper hand on Nick. If you can cringe through some of the portrayals - particularly the way they treat sexual aggression by women - there's even a surprisingly trans-positive scene, in an awkward, clueless, 1980's kind of way.

In all, Real Men isn't the stuff of greatness, but it serves up an enjoyable 85 minutes (remember when movies did that?) of wackiness, without an overabundance of 80's cringe. John Ritter showcases his comedic brilliance, and John Belushi largely manages not to get in Ritter's way. A few of the gags are dated, but most hold up well, largely free from pop culture references nobody would get anymore, and excepting women, attitudes past which Americans have progressed.