Review of Rampage (2018) by Trevorsview — 19 Apr 2018

Gorillas are such remarkable creatures, aren’t they? I remember way back when, my whole family went on zoo trips, and we loved the goofy little gorillas! While watching Animal Planet programs as a middle schooler, I found a higher animal kingdom appreciation because these creatures that populate our earth are just so tactful and resourceful. In addition, after dad and sis got sick of zoo trips, my mom and I had a tradition of visiting the zoo each summer. Especially today as a hobbyist photographer, zoos always fill my joyful spirit!

So, in this new movie that shows up the capabilities of man’s closest relative, the primate’s remarkable, graceful nature introduces George, an albino gorilla taken under primatologist Dwayne Johnson. Using American Sign Language to communicate, George helps our ears comprehend those similarities between ape and man in humorous interactions, the one sense of quietness established amongst the rest of the noisy humans in this feature, better than what Congo attempted. Soon a foreign scientific discovery, “CRISPR” causes George, an alligator, and a wolf to grow rapidly, erupting out on a Rampage toward Chicago.

Although the few good qualities matter none, for the Flynn Picture Company uses its time to fool you into thinking its studio heads care about anti-poaching, which Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson says he saved George from, but this feature thinks animal savagery is cool: science can turn animals into giant murderous fighting machines! It’s obvious that any anti-poaching message attempted is not a mode of concern by the people behind this feature because the script never said why hunters covet certain animals; is it for decoration? Artworks? Trade? It’s not clear. Watch The Ivory Game on Netflix to understand the real crisis.

Granting, some mortality does exploit the 98.3% of genetic code we share with gorillas, especially in a hunter character faced against the mutant wolf right in its introduction. That hunter might spark interest if he were the protagonist as a Dirty Harry type of role, though director Brad Peyton (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, San Andreas) gives him too small screen time to exploit anything memorable. His mindset matching those idiotic Harambe memes, Peyton meets all low expectations, thus should’ve been replaced with a serious director, someone who could crop actors well in a massive shaky-cam plane scene, someone who would bear in mind the innumerable rhino horns sold in 2012, $65,000 per kilo.

Hence why most teen viewers may lament the sheer unoriginality. Right at the unnecessary first scene (the information repeats itself later), a test subject in a collapsing Athena-1 space shuttle breaks loose, an ultimate Gravity-Alien rip off. A nationwide tour then travels everywhere yet nowhere, since nothing besides overused location titles differentiate between various states. Then once Dwayne finally goes to fight the monsters, his “girlfriend” (if anything conveyed that, regardless of what the dialogue said) offers him inspirational advice: “Try not to get killed.” Heartfelt, isn’t it? Yup, a female co-lead literally… just stands there the entire time… useless in her plot importance… besides playing second banana to macho manliness.

As for Dwayne’s “Gary Stu” role, his character’s previous service in the army leaves zero influence upon him other than the convenience of knowing how to fly a helicopter. Rather than reflecting PTSD-struck Robert DeNiro in The Deer Hunter, he survives a plane crash without any cuts or bruises due to a possessed aura of facial perfection.

As for the nonhuman roles, George’s given screen time ends up counterproductive. Despite being the writers’ empathetic efforts, he keeps absent across large chunks of time. Sad, because George’s expressions turn him into a comic device to make his kind more likable than people. One ought to support the most trafficked animal on Earth- 100,000 pangolins a year, above these fictional “people” or CGI video game avatars.

Heck, notice the climax: a repetitive mass of destruction within a joyfully violent society. When a battle includes a giant alligator roaring before it bites a pilot in a plane in slow motion, the monsters’ victory certainly seems desired on your part. In a nutshell, it reminded me of SpongeBob saying inside a fiery Bikini Bottom, “We did it, Patrick! We saved the city!”.

Do not let crap like Rampage squeeze out your inner Michael Vick, entertained by watching animals kill animals. Visit a local zoo to watch God’s magnificent creatures yourself and learn ways to save them from Hollywood’s evil poachers.