Review of Poseidon (2006) by Magnus — 03 Jun 2006

I saw this late night in an empty cinema with three friends. It was so bad we were laughing and booing, sometimes in hysterics. It is an anti-drama, animatronic robofilm made by and for automatons. The script and acting are so banal that the interplay between actors becomes unfollowably dull, as characters enter the frame, babble cheese-drivel and then leave.

On top of this; the action, the very raison d'etre of this scuppered piece of fishy junk, is utterly underwhelming. With such resource at his command, why did the director shoot in such a cluttered fashion, with most action taking place in shaky mid-shot, and most wides tainted by a CGI sheen? Only one scene had effective claustrophobia, in a situation that should have been saturated with it.

This film lacked charisma, especially in the casting, featuring bland non-entities shifting about the frame like so much forgettable fish fodder.