Review of Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach (1988) by Vince K — 07 Aug 2010

Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach is definitely the â??least goodâ?? of the franchise at this point in the series. The thing is that the studio decided to make it more viable and possibly more lucrative by going in the more kid-friendly PG-rated direction. The raunchiness and edginess of the first 4 films are basically gone. But the thing about it is that in this rare case, THEY DIDNâ??T RUIN IT. Thank fucking god for that. Itâ??s still funny as fuck. This sequel ESPECIALLY has some hilarious shit revolving around Lt. Harris, his shadow Proctor, and most of all â?? Commandant Lassard. Assignment Miami Beach is definitely his shining moment. The whole last half-hour of the film is about his kidnapping, which he thinks is a practical joke the force is playing on him the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. So he acts very excited, amused, and happy throughout the ordeal â?? as if he knows heâ??s being thrown a surprise birthday party or something and can hardly contain himself. But, heâ??s actually in serious danger. The funniest part of this though is that he grows on the diamond thief, making it hard for him to kill the poor old man.

The premise of Police Academy 5 sees Commandant Lassard being forced into â??Mandatory Retirementâ?? because he has finally reached the age for it. Heâ??s being thrown a big party in his honor down in Miami, so the whole team gets treated to a fucking awesome vacation. Total beach blast. And then weâ??re introduced to Lassardâ??s nephew, played by Matt McCoy, who is obviously the replacement for Steve Guttenbergâ??s Mahoney â?? the lead character of the first four films. (Steve Guttenberg left the series and continued to be one of the biggest and most sought-after stars of the 1980s. For another 2 years anyways). Matt McCoy does a outstanding job â?? heâ??s even better looking, has a great sense of humor, and brings a lot of spirit to the role. Although, I was a little pissed off to see him adopt some of Mahoneyâ??s character traits. But the writers seemed to correct that as the film moves on.

The rest of the cast â?? same ole same ole really. Jones does his karate act again, Hooks does her yelling, Hightower still does his behemoth super-strength juggernaut shit, Callahanâ??s huge breasts get in the way of everything (this time, beach limbo), and Tackleberry is still a ludicrous-acting gun-nut. The only thing different here is new addition to the team â?? House (the only Citizens on Patrol character to make it onto the force from the last movie). Houseâ??s whole gimmick is being really, really, really fucking fat. Sorely missed is the Japanese cop Yakamoto, but especially missed is Zed â?? Bobcat Goldthwaitâ??s wildly insane character from the last 3 films. I could give a fuck about Mahoney leaving, really. He had his day in the sun.

And on a final note â?? I remember in 1988 when this came out, people everywhere were complaining â??Oh no, not ANOTHER Police Academy movie. I wouldnâ??t be caught DEAD watching thatâ??. It seemed to come out on VHS two months after it was in the theatre, and even though they made it more family friendly, you could tell the death of the series was imminent. I think itâ??s because, #1 â?? people are fucking stupid assholes, and #2 â?? Police Academy just got too big for its own good. And I hate when people give you that â??ooh, they shouldâ??ve known when to quitâ?? bullshit. In my opinion, the world would have been a better place if Police Academy 27 just came out this summer. And hey, George Gaynes (Commandant Lassard) is still alive! Did you know that?! I think he should run for President.