Review of Places in the Heart (1984) by Dean D — 21 Apr 2004

If you're a frequent visitor here at my journal, you may soon realize I rarely talk about myself. Out of maybe 136 posts, I have commented on me three times. Granted that my reviews have my words and opinions, there is barely a word about me or my personal life. As such, I will now write an entry that is completely about me...and who I am. I will ultilize any means neccessary...lists, narrative, poems, whatever I need to express who I am.

My name is Dean A. Dixon. The A is for Allen. I was born in March of 1976, the 200th anniversery of our country. I was born in the relatively small town of Millville New Jersey. I hated living there as a young child. The cliche of having nothing to so was true there.

I was interested in writing at an early age. I started drawing and writing a comic book entitled "Super Bruff" about a teddy bear (which I really owned) that was burned on a stove (which really happened) and gained super powers from the experience (sadly, this never happened). I drew and wrote for years (five or so) but felt I wasn't really that good. I began to write short stories and poems...but, thought they should have somehow been better.

Anyway, I was interested in cinema from a very early age as well. The first memory of film I have was [i]The Empire Strikes Back[/i] as a child of four. I remember loving the stories and having all the action figures (my asshole brothers destroyed the action figures, I could have been a very rich man with some of those...but, I digress).

The first "serious" film I remember impacting me and making me think of a life in movies was [i]Places In the Heart.[/i] Sally Field starred in this film about a widow in the South who wanted to make something of herself. It truely was an eyeopener. I was only eight or so, but I wanted to tell stories like that. Emotional and thought provocing stories that touched you.

Years went on and so did my love of cinema. Yet, I never tried to write a screenplay. Furthermore, I lost focus around the age of sixteen or so. I got in with drugs and stuff, and lost my way. It took me ten years to find it again.

So at sixteen I decided to start playin guitar. I was fairly good at it, but nothing spectacular. I was in a few bands too.

[list][*]Vacant Sepulchre - a church band that played at the Cumberland County Community Church. We had three concerts and were well recieved.[*]"Slick" Willie Johnson and the Bar B Que Band - I was "Slick" Willie. All double entendres aside we were alright. We never got off the ground though...but it could have been special.[*]Member of 1993-94 Jazz Ensemble - this is where I felt like king of the world. I was at my peak here. But, it all fell apart.[/list]During my senior year in high school, I was plagued by many things. I didn't really ever have a girlfriend during HS. I never knew why. Looking back, I was kind of an odd cutomer, but I never thought I was ugly or repulsive. I just was kind of shy and couldn't communicate all that well. Because of this I ws always in a constant state of depression. Here's a run down of the girls I pined after (to protect their identities I will use only thier first names).

[list][*]Sharon - I had such a crush on her. She was the girl tha all others were judged by. She never wanted to go out though. Hmmm. I found out years later she's a lesbian. I just wish she told me to save years of pain.[*]Cathy - this was the first girl I lusted after. This was purely a physical thing. I wanted to...err, ya know. She was and still is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. I was kind of out of her league. As a side note, I ran into her years later at a strip club...and got a nice couch dance from her.[*]Lizzy - I met her on my 18th birthday. I can remember it like yesterday. It was at the Jazz Ensemble's spring concert. She was wearing a cute little black dress, a B&W flannel, and a pair of beat up Coverse. I remember the way she looked at me...it seemed like the world had stopped. Yet, this was an infatuation with a sad :( ending. She went out with another guy and got involved in a particularly long relationship with him. He treated her like shit the whole time, and I was her shoulder to cry on...until I had a Ben Afflick [i]Chasing Amy [/i]moment after we went out to see a movie one night. I just told her all my feelings (she already knew about them as it was obvious) but, it never worked. She loved the guy she was with. This hurt me for years to come. I felt she was my soulmate ( I was wrong) and she really didn't care. We did kiss once, and it ws fantastic...but there was no real magic...I guess.[/list]So, I spent my time in High School lonely and always depressed. That did lead to writing some good songs though:

[center][b]Angel[/b][/center].

[center][b]Written by: D.A. Dixon[/b][/center].

[center][b]Copyright 1994[/b][/center].

[center]The days are becoming longer[/center].

[center]and the mind is becoming shorter[/center].

[center]I relive the days of yesterday,[/center].

[center]only seeing the same old memories.[/center].

[center]I close my eyes to see your face...[/center].

[center]to be around you is a sweet escape.[/center].

[center]Tales of yesterday will grow, they will never die.[/center].

[center]Seems up until I've been living a lie.[/center].

[center]If you only knew the emotions I've had...[/center].

[center]...that this love is for you, that's not so bad.[/center].

[center]All my life, I've been searching for you,[/center].

[center]but, when I found you, I never knew.[/center].

[center][b]Chorus:[/b][/center].

[center]You're my Angel[/center].

[center]Flying high with a broken wing.[/center].

[center]You're my Angel[/center].

[center]Playin' the harp with a broken string[/center].

[center]You're my Angel[/center].

[center]Walkin' the line for that one last fling.[/center].

[center] [/center].

[left]See, although I put the girl on this pedestal, I knew she had flaws.[/left].

[left]It goes on for another verse, a chorus, and an outro. I thought it was pretty good. It was about Lizzy...although she never felt the same.[/left].

[left]A poem I wrote also seems fitting for how I felt at the time:[/left].

[left] [/left].

[center][b]Sad, Little, Sensitve, Pieces, Jesus, boy.[/b][/center].

[center][b]For Kurt...[/b][/center].

[center][b]By: D.A. Dixon[/b][/center].

[center][b]Copyright 1994[/b][/center].

[center]I died so long ago...[/center].

[center]I cried...[/center].

[center]I'm just a sad, little, sensitive, Pieces, Jesus, boy...[/center].

[center]Do you feel my pain?[/center].

[center] [/center].

[left]Kindy corny...and a bit of a rip off from Cobain's suicide note...but, that's how I felt at the time.[/left].

[left]And yes, the poems and songs are copyrighted as my Dad insisted on it just in case.[/left].

[left]So, I graduated in June of 1994. I decided not to go to college and instead went to work. But, I always remembered the words my creative writing teacher wrote on my final paper:[/left].

[left] [/left].

[center]"Don't settle for an eveyday job...you are creative and imaginative. Don't let it go to waste.[/center].

[left] [/left].

[left] I worked at a lumber plant that my Dad worked at for years. He got me the job and I hated it. Everyone always f****d with me because I was Dale's son...or whatever. So I quit. [/left].

[left]My nexy job was at the Daily Journal newpaper, working in the mailroom. I hated it too, but stayed there for three years. I also worked at a security company too around the same time...really hating that.[/left].

[list][*]I had a shotgun pointed at me by a NJ state trooper when I called them out to investigate a break in. I walked with the cop to a warehouse and he entered first. I followed slowly in as he was searching for people in the warehouse. The door and he turns around, shotgun in hand, pointing it at me. I hit the deck.[/list]Then I landed a job at Wawa...a big chain of convienence stores in NJ, Delaware, Maryland, Virgina, and East Pennsyvania. I worked my way up into management and was kind of happy. But, by this time, some seven years removed from High school, I had the itch to go to college. I told the general manager (named Chip, how classic) that I wanted to go to college. He said: "Well, you're part of the management team, and I can't see a way of that happening.".

I was shocked a devestated. Here I was making good money at only 25. I was making $500-600 a week depending on overtime, and all I wanted was to go back to college. I had a choice to make: stay and keep a job I enjoyed, but wasn't particularly rewarding, or quit and start all over by going to college at age 25. I quit and went to college.

I enrolled at Cumberland County College for the fall of 2001. I was mildly successful there. But, what I did was take as many classes as I could in English and TV Production. My love for film was going to push me in that direction. I got hooked up with a very good English professor named John Adair. His self-proclaimed nickname was "Tough, Old Bastard" Adair. He was tough, but more than fair. And he taught me so much about writing and structure. I feel he never knew how I felt toward him. He gave me the tools with which to succed. I miss him.

Anyway,my time was up at CCC. It was time to stay with a meaningless degree in TV production or move on to another college. I also felt suffocated by my small town and such. There was always one city I wanted to live in: Las Vegas, Nevada. I applied to UNLV and awaited the decision.

I was accepted and moved here in Dec. of 2003. I like UNLV and all, but I just feel that I'm being flushed around at University. I'm 28 now, and I want to make my mark. I have written three screenplays and have done nothing with any of them. I have no idea what to do. I feel dangerously out of control and have no where to turn. No one can really understand what the hell it is that's bothering me. My fiancee has no clue either. She knows something's wrong...but, can't place her finger on it. I want to do something...but I just keep fucking everything up. If I just sold my damn screenplays (which are good) everything would b fine. But, I feel like UNLV is a waste of my damn time and I can't express that to anyone...except here at RT. Sorry for the rant.

I know I will be a screenwriter at the least, and a director if everything works out. But that will be delayed for three to four more years if I stay in college and get my masters (the original plan). Now, I'm in Nevada...away from my parents and friends...and scared to freaking death that I'll fail...I do have my fiancee who loves and stands by me. God, I love her.

She has been my everything for the last eight years. Every good memory begins with her. No one else compares. She has loved me more than anyone could ever possibly know...and I almost fucked all that up too. Yet, true love prevailed and we have never been closer. Marion is all I ever wanted or needed. I can fall asleep in her arms and look into her deep eyes. She's also the only woman who I've been with that meant something. Every other girl it was pointless and meant nothing, but with my Bunny (her nickname) even the first time was special...and I knew from there she was the one.

Enough with the mush...here's a list that further determines who I am:

[list=1][*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite muscian: Eric Clapton or Stevie Ray Vaughn[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite band: Nirvana[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Album: A Night At[/font] [font=Century Gothic]Opera - Queen[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Food: Pizza or lasagna[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Book: The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon - Stephan King[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Current car: Buick Century Custom[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Smoke?: Yes[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Drink? : Sometimes[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite hard drink: Screwdriver or Sloe Gin Fizz[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Pets?: Yes[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Kind/ Name: Two cats, Squattie and Precious[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Current Occupation: Student[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Last three movies seen in theaters: [i]Mystic River, Kill Bill Vol. 2, and The Ladykillers.[/i][/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Last three DVD's bought: [i]Kill Bill Vol.1, The Color Purple, and Jurassic Park.[/i][/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Weirdest job: I was an umpire for a while. Terrible work environment and terrible pay.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Atalantic City casino: The Trump Taj Mahal[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Las Vegas casino: The Luxor (the pyramid one)[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Miles traveled from NJ to Nevada: 2,579[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite casino table game: Let it Ride or blackjack depending on mood.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Want kids: Nope, not in this world.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Are there really cheap prices in Las Vegas for food? How's .99 for a complete breakfast.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Homesick?: While I miss my parents, I do not miss New Jersey.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Baseball team: Philadelphia Phillies[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Football team: Philadelphia Eagles[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Wrestler of all time: Ric Flair WHOOOO![/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite current wrestler: Rob Van Dam[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite TV show of all time: (tie) Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Picket Fences[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Current favorite TV show: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite Actor: (tie) Samuel L. Jackson & Nic Cage[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Descibe a dream date: Candle light, plate of lasagna, my fiancee in a red dress, and a night in the desert under the stars all come to mind.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Spider-Man or Batman?: Spider-Man[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Rolaids or Tums?: Rolaids[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Coffee or tea? : COFFEE[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Paper or plastic?: Paper[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Star Wars or Star Trek?: Star Wars...[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Buffy or Willow?: Willow all the way.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Beer or wine?: neither[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Posters on my wall: just a picture of a wizard and a dragon.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Wendy's or McDonald's: Wendy's[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Del Taco or Taco Bell: Taco Bell[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]What brand of cigarette?: Marlboro Lights[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Wear glasses?: Yep[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Any piercings: I have an earring.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Any tattos?: I want a dragon one on my upper arm.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Denny's or a local diner: A local diner[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Pancakes or waffles: Pancakes[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Best Christmas present ever: The GI Joe Terrordrome when I was 12.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Facial hair: I frequently grow a goatee.[/font].

[*][font=Century Gothic]Favorite curse word: Shit![/font].

[/list][font=Century Gothic]There's fifty things about me. I feel better now that I've vented.[/font].