Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) by Elizabeth S — 29 May 2017

The special effects were awesome. That's about all this movie had going for it. (Side note: this review contains spoilers.).

Being a long time fan of the franchise, I have seen the previous films multiple times. Now, if you haven't, this movie will probably be alright.

If you have seen the previous films, you will be disappointed.

First, Captain Jack Sparrow is no longer an impressive, cunning (yet quirky) pirate like he was in the first film. With each film his creditability sunk, and now he is nothing but a drunken buffoon who is surprised when he does something right. I miss the Jack that had a good plan up his sleeve, an actual plan that took thought. Yes, he always drank, but now he's just comedic relief. Jack is supposed to be an amazing pirate, not one that's drunk and just gets lucky constantly. Remember his sword fight with Will Turner in the first film? It's like that Jack never existed now.

Aside from the fact that the main character is now a goofy drunk, this movie is a hot mess of continuity errors. It's almost as if the writers forgot what happened in the first films. There is the huge misstep of reintroducing how Jack got his compass. We are already shown in the 2nd movie how he received it. Yet in this movie, it is a major plot point how he receives it in a totally different way. You cannot do that. They rewrote their own lore. So which is true? Did he get it from Tia Dalma like in the 2nd movie, or from the dying captain of the Wicked Wench in this 5th installment? And don't pull any "oh maybe he got it from Tia and then gave it to the captain, who then gave it back to Jack!". If your movies have to be explained like that, you've already lost. This was a huge error that should have never been in the movie. The writers simply do not care. All that matters is making money, and any pirates movie will continue to deliver a ship load of cash, no matter how poor the story is.

I will end with the point that this movie made no sense. Nothing was explained. Why did the ghost pirates need Jacks compass to be freed? Who knows. Then they're just freed when he trades it for booze... well, if they've been ghosts since Jack was young, Jack has traded and given his compass away multiple times. Why weren't the ghost pirates freed the first time he gave it away? Why is it connected to the compass AT ALL??

And that's just touching the surface. It seems like the writers just threw things in there left and right, not caring to develop a coherent story.

I forgave a lot of errors as the movie progressed. I know not everything can or should be explained within 2 hours or so. But this has previous movies to it, previous stories that already have given answers. The themes are even the same. A curse that makes the crew undead? Isn't that the plot of the first movie completely?

If you can forget the first films, which I could not, you may enjoy this movie. Kids who are new to the films due to the large time gap between their releases will probably be entertained. Adults may find it to be a family-friendly and fun time, while others will see the messy plot and characters they could care less about.

I am just upset that the quality of the story is poor, and the iconic Jack Sparrow is nothing but a drunk that kids can only laugh at, not look up to as an awesome pirate. I went into this movie expecting to enjoy it, I read no reviews and I clung to hope that it would be another fun pirate film. Instead it is forgettable and I am saddened that Disney gave up on Pirates. I can only expect that the next films will have nonsensical writing and lame characters as well.