Review of Piranha 3D (2010) by Feardrinker — 21 Aug 2010

This is not a horror film, it is exploitation. Although I'm a fan of 70's and 80's exploitation films, I didn't much care for this one. The various characters are either obnoxious or cardboard placeholders (or both), to begin with, and I could hardly wait for the killing to start. The teen angst/romance subplot was rote and meaningless. Part of what makes the old exploitation movies likeable is a low-budget, unpolished but earnest charm that is missing in this one. And fully the first half of the movie is a plotless "MTV Spring Break" dance party.

The many, many ways in which people are mutilated in this movie are reminiscent of the still-young torture porn genre more than horror (or black comedy, which some people will insist this movie is). The gratuitous nudity would be funny (and perhaps even titillating) if it were brief and frequent; instead we get long, lingering shots that cause the sort of audience embarrassment that Showgirls once did. These long, lingering shots also refute the argument that the movie is somehow a feminist statement against pornography; this is pornography, if soft core. It really comes down to this: if you think that watching a topless woman's legless torso being dragged up from the lake while you are invited to ogle the corpse's sizable breasts is good entertainment, you'll probably like this movie. Yes, I know some of you will.