Review of Piranha 3D (2010) by Jay L — 11 Apr 2012

Ok, I went to see Piranha 3D, and Iâ(TM)ll be honest, I knew beforehand it would be masterpiece, it would be blood, gore, and tits. And on that simple note, it delivered. There was probably more blood, guts and gore then in any movie I have ever seen, and probably on average a pair of tits for every minute that passed. So on that, it deleivered.

I expected to come out and go âit was no classic, but definitely a guilty pleasureâ?, kinda like Arnold Schwarzenegger in âRunning Manâ? or something. It really wasnâ(TM)t, if anything, it was just abysmal, it was cringe worthy. I think I liked maybe 3 characters, 2 of which were killed off, one of them at the end for a simple end death joke. Most of the characters were annoying retards who I just felt deserved to die, the supposed hero, the teenager, was ok, but an idiot.

Most of the deaths, whilst in 3D, mainly made me and my mate just laugh, it was slightly memorable in one aspect, a dismembered penis in the water (yes, you heard me right). There was a underwater dance between Kelly Brook and her girlfriend porn star, which according to Harry Knowles, is one of the most erotic things he ever saw. Really?! In my cinema, everyone pissed themselves with laughter with Swan Lake in the background, it wasnâ(TM)t erotic, and they didnâ(TM)t look appealing, they looked like two female pieces of plasticine humping, what the fuck?!

Iâ(TM)ll be honest, by the end, I was just happy to leave, it wasnâ(TM)t terrible in terms of having a bit of a laugh and fun, but it wasnâ(TM)t made well, the director was good, but the script and acting was so awful, and in a horror film, it made the cardinal sin: I didnâ(TM)t care about the main characters.