Review of Piranha 3D (2010) by Chris B — 30 Oct 2012

Amazingly this wasnâ??t a complete waste of my time. Went in expecting to be bored by yet another crappy remake but instead got a decent B movie. The original â??Piranhaâ?? and the first remake (which was basically a carbon copy of the original) were both solid enough â??creature featuresâ?? and worth checking out if you can get a copy. For the 3D (I had real trouble focussing on the screen, letâ??s hope 3D is forgotten about again like it was in the 70s) version the plot is changed and the gore ramped up to a new level. Unsurprisingly itâ??s rated 18, I think the original/remake #1 were only 15. Rather than the piranha being genetically engineered and released by accident, they are released from a subterranean lake where they have been sealed away for millions of years. Where they survived by cannibalism.

OK, it is daft but there you go. Personally I preferred the â??genetically engineeredâ?? idea. If youâ??ve seen the original youâ??ll remember the main protagonists had a race against time to stop the killer fish swimming down river into the lake where a new resort was opening and crowds of holiday makers where enjoying a dip. Now, this being 2010, our scaly critters are released directly into the lake where â??Spring Breakâ?? is in full swing and instead of wholesome tourists, crowds of partying students are living it up. Cue lots of gratuitous shots of bikini clad women. If I was still a teenage boy Iâ??d have been in heaven watching this movie. Thereâ??s a completely unnecessary underwater â??danceâ?? by two totally naked models. Who get eaten. A naked female paraglider. Who gets eaten. Lots of topless swimmers. Who get eaten. Donâ??t take your girlfriend with you to see this, youâ??ll feel really uncomfortableâ?¦.

The acting is better than youâ??d imagine given the genre. Christopher Lloyd has a great cameo as an eccentric fish expert, who doesnâ??t get eaten. Ving Rhames, always worth watching, plays a Sherriffâ??s deputy (and doesnâ??t get enough screen time), who does get eaten. But he dies heroically whilst saving moronic teenagers. Characters are B movie clichés, however they are not irritating with it.

CGI and gore effects (so much blood is spilled and limbs severed that you can barely keep up) are handled well; they donâ??t look cheap or slapdash. Someone put some decent funding into this. Unlike the other 3D horror remake Iâ??ve seen, â??My Bloody Valentineâ?? which was a shoestring piece of garbage not even fit to be released straight to DVD.

Rather than end properly, the film just sort of stops which I found annoying. Like the original, a sequel was set up too. Interestingly enough, the sequel to the original was James Cameronâ??s first feature as a director, and featured flying piranhas. Yeah.

This is nodded to at the end of the 2010 version so expect another eye-straining 3D Piranha movie in the not too distant future.