Review of Pieces (2003) by Mitch E — 15 Oct 2008

There are a few different types of bad horror films and the 80's was the perfect decade to make all of them and have them be successful, for the most part. There were flicks that were so bad they're good, some that are just plain bad and a few other categories in between. Pieces, a slasher flick trying to capitalize on the success of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Friday the 13th franchise, falls a little closer to the just plain bad end of the spectrum. But, a few decent effects and some horribly bad dialogue as well as a kung fu attack that literally comes out of nowhere and leaves just as quickly raises Pieces to a mark just above plain bad.

A little boy kills his mother with an axe after she finds him putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a nude woman. Cut to 40 years later, someone is killing beautiful college coeds and taking their body parts to create the perfect woman. It's up to two detectives, and few unlikely allies, to stop the maniac that's on the loose.

After that promising opening, the film quickly goes down hill. The plot gets ludicrous when the police recruit one of the college students to help. Then, if that wasn't insane enough, they bring in a famous tennis star to help as well. Again, the effects are what raise the bar a tad with decapitation in broad daylight, and a halving complete with pants wetting, which is a nice realistic touch to me. I mean, if someone's coming at me with a chainsaw, you can bet your ass that I'm gonna piss my pants.

On to the acting. Even with the bad dialogue, most of the actors deliver it with a straight face, which is surprising given some of the situations they are in. Oh wait, nevermind, that's just bad dubbing. By far the best character is the groundskeeper Willard, played by Paul Smith. Many readers may remember him as Bluto from the live action Popeye movie, or possibly as Rabban in Dune. Anyways, he is absolutely hilarious every time he comes on screen. He seems to be the only one who gets how ridiculous this movie truly is.

How ridiculous you ask? The best example is when our undercover tennis star runs into some guy who busts out with all kinds of kung fu, then when she knocks him down, says he doesn't remember what happened, just that he was jogging and the next thing he knows he's on the ground. "Must be bad Chop Suey." And that is a direct quote. Followed closely by a scene in which our villain hides a chainsaw behind his back while in an elevator with his victim, and she doesn't notice!

Pieces tried very hard to capitalize on the success of such genre classics as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, yet would have worked better as a parody instead of a serious film. But if you love 80's horror, it may be worth your while. For all others, grab a few friends and a lot of beer and sit back and take potshots at this horrible yet funny film.