Review of Pete's Dragon (1977) by Jeremy F — 18 Sep 2008

You've see- Shut up, you've seen it... You have FUCKING seen this! You simply don't want to ADMIT having seen it, but I guarantee the VHS was popped in near as many times as Little Mermaid...

Oh, you're going to sit there and tell me that you don't remember a net being thrown over an invisible cartoon dragon, or even anything scenes involving the lighthouse?!

I KNEW IT! You've been on drugs this whole time, and so you can't recall a thing before about age 10 I take it? "BATMAN", huh? You've been telling that campfire story for YEARS, so of course you'd remember. Though let me just get something straight right now, Pot-Face: (hmph, the next Tracy villain?) There - AIN'T - no - bat.

"You shouldn't have turned the.

Gun on that kid, man. You sho-".

"You want your cut of this money.

Or not? Now shut up! SHUT UP.".

Both punks freeze at the sudden, inexplicable sound of black boots crunching on gravel. They turn.

Slowly. Their jaws drop. - - - - - - -.

At the edge of the roof, bathed in moonlight, is a black apparition.

Eddie freezes, a choked gurgle in his throat. Black figure advances.

And spreads its arms, slowly,.

Majestically. Great shadowy.

Wings flap in the wind. On its.

Chest is the emblem of a bat,.

In an oval yellow field, glowing.

Like a target in darkness.

(cue random sex scene).

Uniformed patrolmen drag.

A brain-fried Nick past. - - -.

"A bat, I tell you, A GIANT BAT.

Wanted me to do him a favor!".