Review of Pet Sematary (1989) by Peter H — 22 Oct 2011

"Bad acting" is a lazy criticism, but when you find yourself too amused by the misplaced reactions of a horror film like Pet Sematary's star to be scared by its supernatural antics, then it is probably worth noting.

Dale Midkiff, an actor with an illustrious resume of Hallmark movies and straight-to-DVD, horror knockoffs, has the insipid expressions of Keanu Reeves, the throaty monotone of Bill Paxton, and peppers his performance in Pet Sematary with grandiose overreactions when you least expect them. He is the unholy conflation of all the ways to bore an audience while making them laugh.

The other actors are marginally better, but not one turns in a performance worth mentioning, as they fail to convincingly display the principal emotion of horror films: fear (as well as most of the secondary ones, like love, anger, confusion, romantic interest, sadness, hunger, or even boredom).

The best piece of casting is three-year-old Miko Huhges, whose devastating cuteness may cause permanent pedophobia, but is replaced in his scariest moments by an what is obviously a doll.

Director Mary Lambert tries to compensate cinematographically, and at times succeeds in making shots that would otherwise have been quite suspenseful, but with too much infrequency to earn a full kudo.

As a Stephen King horror flick, be ready for a rapid jump from the level of "somewhat spooky" to "disturbing as hell" just as the film is about to end. But don't expect to be very scared.