Review of Penguins of Madagascar (2014) by Seth M — 30 Dec 2014

If you missed the trailer, this film is a gripping documentary about four nuns that are angry at fossil fuel automobiles. The film sits heavy on it's audience's heart as it asks the obvious questions "Does Jesus belong in our gas tanks?" and "What will it cost to get him there?" I don't know if it answers those but it definitely answers the questions "Why do some nuns sometimes like quiche so much?" and "What's that one guy's name?" Everyone in this documentary has a name.

Just the idea of trying to capture the realism of people being emotionally impacted by events of this magnitude seems daunting but I thought first time director Ja Rule painted a stunning portrait of organized religion's bleak future in the shadows of staggering environmental decay and the corporate political infrastructure of an all consuming one world nation. Two things were made clear in this picture: These nuns are mad. The thing that these nuns are mad at is gas cars.

P of M isn't completely dismal though. It did give me some hope or at least if you watch it from a certain precise philosophical angle you might let it show you that the glimmer of hope to be gleaned from it is already a nugget of magic that kind of lives in your soul...maybe. As I walked away from the Cinemart 53 I actually started brainstorming to solve these global issues myself. I realized that we need to make cars out of materials that are safer as well as being more abundant like breakfast cereal. This way if we get mad at cars we can just turn them into poo. But that isn't the real issue, is it? What we need is to make cars that run on cereal but then who will clean up the car's poops? Answer: dickheads. That's right, the whole time we were making cars that run on cereal we also secretly develop a scanner that based on biometrics can detect jerkish tendencies, tag and enslave the offenders, and makes them clean up our car feces until they chill out and get cool.

There you have it. A simple documentary made as a hail Mary pass from the remnants of the career of a long since relevant hip hop artist sparks the notion that changes the world...for the better? Nope, the best. Eat my car shits, douchebags!