Review of Pearl Harbor (2001) by Rudy H — 29 Jun 2014

This one is bad, guys. Yes, I know you probably already know that so I'm not going to be yet another writer looking to find the most inventive and funniest way to say something sucks ass. That's pretty childish, but what I will say is this: You have to give the man a tad bit credit here. Bay was labeled as the Hollywood bad boy with a loud boisterous and unapologetically testosterone fueled style that there is nothing he can do to make us see him as anything else. Well, he really REALLY wanted to tell the story of Pearl Harbor to the bet of his abilities and at the time, TITANIC had a hold of Hollywood and there was a penchant for studios wanting to churn out historical epics that had even the slightest shred of similarity to the TITANIC formula in hopes of hitting it big money wise. Enter Michael Bay wanting to tell his historical epic into a production that was doomed form the first moment the script was written to include multiple character narratives that lead to nothing, a romance so shoddily written it only comes as an afterthought or worse, a plea to resemble Jack and Rose. Michael Bay knew his film had to appeal to the mass crowd and the mass crowd seemed to really dig up that fictional romance in the middle of that nonfictional national tragedy in TITANIC so why not do it here?! Because the romance and characters elements of PEARL HARBOR were done so lazily and without an ounce of sincerity that they were obviously horrible. Rose and jack weren't the greatest lovers ever put on film either but at least in their film they were the center attention of the film. The tragedy happens around them and the film attempts to play it out in terms of what it means to their relationship. I'm not the biggest fan of the film or even their romance, but it's evident and clear what Cameron wanted with them. Bay has no idea what he wants these lovers for in PEARL HARBOR. He is unaware of what their relationships should be, as well as failing to instill a central romance/ relationship that we follow. Instead were given multiple shoddy relationships that were left not caring for anyone at all and in a film about a tragedy that really happened, you need to have someone worth caring for. Otherwise, it's an insult not only to the audiences' intelligence but to the areal life tragedy itself.

Sure the film is technically and visually stunning once it reaches the attack on Pearl Harbor itself but unlike TITANIC there is no emotional connection to the slightest to anyone in the middle of the disastrous situation playing out on the screen. Bay's attempt here should not be remembered as the worst piece of Hollywood shit ever conceived because like it or not it remains at times beautifully photographed and expertly shot whenever it's visually exciting or narrative lacking. (If you haven't seen the first teaser look it up on YouTube, it is still one of the most haunting and exciting trailers I've seen in my life.) I haven't mentioned the actors in the film and that's just because it's already been beaten to death-they're not good but I will say that it's not all their fault. What COULD you do with a script as idiotic and shoddily written and the one they were given? The same, I would apply to Michael Bay. RATING: D+.