Review of Peaceful Warrior (2006) by Devin D — 23 Feb 2008

I have a cold. Or the first stage of lung cancer. It's a toss up, but in any event, I have loaded up on several different brands of medication that should either make me immune to the flu virus for the next eight years or send me to a cloud upon which I'll play connect four with Heath Ledger until it's determined that I should be spending eternity in a much warmer climate.

Went to bed at 8:30 last night, which I haven't done since... well, which I probably won't do until I'm 67. Nyquil is an amazing drug let me tell ya. I woke up at around 2 AM and the room was breakdancing... full on hopped onto the floor and started spinning in front of me... felt like I was the first to experience STEP UP 2 DA STREETS the ride. When I went back to bed and woke up for a second time, there were people at my bed-side: the pig-monster from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Drew Carrey, and Sarah Michelle Gellar. Yeah, I was just as shocked as you are reading this. I knew how I had managed to hallucinate Drew Carrey (before I went to bed I watched the new "Price is Right" which features him as a host... he's dressed in a tuxedo by the way, that makes him look like a beastly penguin), but the other two were not on my Nyquil Trip Guest List. They more or less climbed out of my television set like that one dead chick from [i]The Ring[/i] who doesn't use shampoo.

So, instead of resting the entire Glendale Infiniti dealership (aka my hell away from home) on my shoulders like the immatiated Hercules that I am, I am sitting at the apartment eating pieces of watermelon while listening to the new Jack Johnson cd... like I'm sure Michael Jackson does whenever his racially-challenged ass encounters a mirror. My first two-days-in-a-row off in six months and I'm sick... for one of them. Fan-fucking-tastic. Wash your hands kids, germs are assholes.

But on a note that would relate to movies (rumor has it, this web site has something to do with these creatures), I purchased [i]Fracture[/i], [i]Year of the Dog[/i], [i]Peaceful Warrior[/i], and [i]Art School Confidential[/i] for $20 at Blockbuster earlier today... haven't seen any of them, but count on me to let you guys know if they're worth $5 a piece. And whenever I beat this cold out of my system, expect reviews for [i]Be Kind Rewind[/i] and [i]In Bruges[/i]. We're almost two months into 2008 and I have yet to see a spectacularly shitty movie... odd.

Be back soon!

....

And we're back, but with some rather dismal news... the four DVDs that I purchased yesterday? Mistake with a capital M... ISTAKE. I didn't get to [i]Art School Confidential[/i] yet, but at this point I'm sort of not in the mood to. Here are some quick thoughts on the other films I caught up on that should have stayed missed in 2007.

[b]Fracture[/b].

Anthony Hopkins playing a vegetarian Hannibal Lecter just doesn't have the bite needed to sustain interest. Ryan Gosling, following up here after untoppable work in [i]Half-Nelson[/i], is on auto-pilot. That said and done, [i]Fracture[/i] is a thriller without a punch. Nothing rises above average and by the time the mystery gets its reveal, you're underwhelmed that such great talent has wasted your time. [b]Grade: C+[/b].

[b]Peaceful Warrior[/b].

Directed by Victor Salva, [i]Peaceful Warrior[/i] tells the "true story" of some dude (Scott Mechlowicz) trying to win a gold medal in spreading eagle... or something. He's an ego-maniac, man-slut, and a bunch of other flattering adjectives until he befriends Nick Nolte, who plays a magical gas station attendant... at which point he becomes a spiritually enriched, philosophy-spewing, cripple with a heart of gold... we've seen this before haven't we? Maybe without Nick Nolte? The story might have been engaging if it weren't for all the forced philosophical mumbo-jumbo, but even then we'd be left with Scott Mechlowicz as a lead. He's not bad, but he's not good either. As for Nolte, he looks like Michael Myers with a tan. It's a creepy performance that I don't think was meant to be. Amy Smart, who I love and will have children with at some point in my life, isn't in the film long enough to be the saving grace (as she was opposite Ashton Kutcher in [i]The Butterfly Effect[/i]). So, without compelling performances, without a compelling script, we're left with... well, Amy Smart, who has once again found herself in a film that she's too good for. [b]Grade: C[/b].

[b]Year of the Dog[/b].

This is a hard film to like because it's not bad... it's just centered on a character that's at once pathetic and sad. Kudos to Molly Shannon for a performance that she actually disappears into, but I'll be damned if she didn't make the entire experience awkward. The film is loaded with quirk (at times echoing [i]Office Space[/i]), but sprinkled with moments of effective human depression. It's a good movie that's hard to like because watching it twice for leisure would seem like a chore. [b]Grade: B-[/b].