Review of Pan (2015) by Bibbitibob — 22 Nov 2015

Hollywood needs to stop trying to make origin stories, Pan is proof of this. I haven't seen a film this messy in a while.

To start with, there's the acting. Hugh Jackman's Blackbeard must have been pulled straight out of a pantomime, it's the only way to explain his hammy performance. Levi Miller does try his hardest as Peter, but thanks to the script I was rarely convinced he was Peter Pan. This movie's Hook, played by Garrett Hedlund, seems more interested in trying to be a discount Han Solo/Indiana Jones type than anything else. Finally, there's Tigerlily. Considering the weak material she had to work with, it ultimately wouldn't have made a difference who they casted as Tigerlily, but they casted Rooney Mara nonetheless. As well as being as much of a Native American as Columbus was, Mara is utterly bland and forgettable.

Now, for Pan's humble origins. Or rather, not so humble. See, Peter couldn't just be an ordinary child, whose vivid imagination makes him able to fly, and whose daring, cocky attitude prompts him to oppose Blackbeard. That would make him a more relatable character, so instead he's the son of a fairy prince - which is why he can fly-, and as a consequence is the chosen one, destined to kill Blackbeard. Thank you, Hollywood, for once again giving us the type of tripe that messed up characters such as Darth Vader. For once, wouldn't be nice if the protagonist was simply your average joe that grew into greatness, rather than being born into it?

Aside from that, the rest of the adventure is rushed. Not enough time is granted to consider what's going on as they hurry through each scene. Perhaps they're too busy trying to escape the mismatched soundtrack, particularly after a bunch of pirates chant "Smells Like Teen Spirit" roughly 50 years before that song was released (while led on by a pirate who died over 200 years before rock music was a thing). There are a couple of thrills here and there, but you never get the feeling that the heroes are ever in danger. It's hard to tell whether this is down to them being stock threats employed in a number of better films, or the extensive use of obvious CGI.

At the end, Peter claims to Hook that nothing will ever go wrong, hinting at a sequel. But it already has, especially if the box office is anything to go by. A poor retelling of a classic story.