Review of Pain & Gain (2013) by Will J — 01 Jul 2014

I often drop Michael Bay's name when reference films that are pointlessly bombastic or obnoxiously over-directed. I think this film was Bay's chance to redeem himself, making a smaller film (smaller by Bay standards at $20 million) that's not about giant robots or blowing up asteroids.

The story even had promise, a dark comedy about three muscle heads (Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson and Anthony Mackie) kidnapping Miami businessman Tony Shaloub, with the plan of torturing him into giving them his fortune.

There's also a can't lose supporting cast that includes Ed Harris, Rob Corddry, the hilarious Rebel Wilson, Ken Jeong, the wonderfully bizarre Peter Stormare, Tony Plana and quite a few other familiar faces.

However, Bay's stink is left all over this film. Pointlessly and distractingly splashy. Like the films three protagonists, this film is ridiculously and unnecessarily pumped up. Also like the protagonists, the film also unfortunately revels in misogyny to a degree that I hadn't seen a mainstream Hollywood film do in quite some time.

Dwayne Johnson is really the only person in the film who manages to survive this mess and retain some likeability. Ed Harris shows up later in the film and brings some life to the film, but by that point, it's way too late.

Unfunny, slow moving and WAY overlong at 129 minutes. That and way too many and obvious product placements! Overall, this film is pretty unwatchable. Why do I keep watching Michael Bay films...