Review of Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017) by Kaptenvideo — 18 Jun 2017

An action comedy about down but still kicking Steve Ford (Bruce Willis), the only private investigator in L.A.-s Venice Beach, who tries to get his life back in order and chases the guys who stole his dog.

Also appearing: John Goodman, Jason Momoa, Thomas Middleditch, Famke Janssen, Emily Robinson, Adam Goldberg, Kal Penn, Wood Harris, Tyga, Thom Rivera and others.

Have you ever watched a movie and said to yourself: hey, I should be making movies. I could certainly write better than this, so why not try?

That’s exactly what brothers Mark and Robb Cullen must have been thinking. They have a reason to feel confident too. Both have been active in TV for years – producing and writing for different series –, and the quality of writing in TV is decidedly higher than in blockbuster movies.

The brothers have also written 2010’s action comedy „Cop Out“ starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, directed by Kevin Smith – the only Kevin Smith movie he didn’t write himself – so they had another good reason to believe that making movies is the next logical step. Not to mention legendary Willis agreeing to star in the new one, too.

But nothing is easy just because talented people have made it look so. „Venice“ comes across not as exciting action comedy like the trailers might make you believe but rather a generic TV pilot which lasts for 97 minutes, although 30 would be enough.

Sure, the Cullen brothers can write and direct, that’s what they do for living, but they have no good ideas about what to do with those colourful characters and situations they have sucked out of the keyboard.

Granted, there is some action and light humor, and something is always happening, but the result is just off. The movie has so little heart or character or world building that it’s difficult to care about any of this.

It certainly doesn't help that there's nothing interesting about the main character – it’s just Willis doing his usual schtick. The only near-intriguing character is Jason Momoa’s powerful but also heartful Latino gangster. You may remember him as Khal Drogo from the first season of „Game of Thrones“, and he’s the new superhero Aquaman.

Willis has appeared in lots of mediocre or downright crappy movies during his career spanning nearly 40 years now, so „Venice’s“ failure doesn’t hurt him in any way, it’s just business as usual.

His performance doesn’t seem tired, but it’s far from exciting either. Some of his misadventures may look kind of interesting in trailers, but seem weak in the actual movie – yes, I am talking about the long skateboarding part in the beginning.

Willis has probably lost followers during his "Nicolas Cage phase" (appearing in lots of straight-to-video-quality stuff in 2010’s), but there are always some who can't get enough of his trademark bald-head and smirk. If you really like colorful „crime“ comedies, "Venice" has something for you too. Everybody else, just beware.

The best thing about „Venice“ is that everybody involved at least tried to make something good. So it’s gonna be OK as a part of late night Netflixing or something. But there are surely better entertainment in cinemas at any given time of the year, including right now.