Review of On Chesil Beach (2018) by K Nife C — 29 Jul 2018

Blow me over and spank me surprised, but I guess watching stuffy British people in the 1960's deal with their sexual fragility makes for a fairly underwhelming cinematic experience. Saoirse Ronan is on top of the A-list after all of the Oscar buzz surrounding Brooklyn and Lady Bird. I'm assuming she told her agent, "find me more roles where I wear pretty dresses and have an accent." So if you're searching for some Soairse, 'Pon hmChezil Behch 'rather (one of the most British sounding film titles ever) might just be your spot of tea. However, if you tire of taciturn ennui like me, you may defer to the malodorous Tulip Fever for at least a few fragrant gaffes and flagrant laughs amidst your period-set anti-romance movie.

I think Ronan and her male costar Billy Howle are at least giving this melodrama some genuine effort, and on a baseline technical level, there are some really good shots and production design. Past that, to constantly stop the centerpiece scene with out of order flashbacks, then flashbacks within flashbacks, then several flash-forwards probably looked fine on paper, but here it is structurally unsound and betrays the pacing of the film. Not only does it undercut the narrative flow, but it makes every interaction in this pivotal breaking point of a couple's relationship look even more simultaneously boring, perplexing, and laughable.

Then there's the third act. Good lord, the poor frigid pooch is screwed to death here with a heavy-handed callback to a throwaway scene from earlier in the film. This might not be so bad if they hadn't done it with everybody in aged prosthesis. I don't know how this might have looked in the theater, but on Blu-ray it looks like ass, like crusty band-aids on the caked foundation of several squished together flabby asses. So all of these flashbacks that are haphazardly establishing some sort of build up to the horn dog and the prude getting rude with each other pay off in one of the corniest, most impotent fashions. Oh well, at least Howle's character got a climax before this feckless affair ended.