Review of Old Dogs (2009) by Wordy_Actions — 19 Aug 2011

If someone likes this movie, they should be considered dangerously stupid and avoided at all costs. If you happen to encounter a fan of this movie you should immediately perform a citizen's arrest on them for the good of public safety.

After you have successfully handcuffed the brain dead 'movie' 'fan', you should contact the authorities as soon as possible. If the fan begins to speak (surprisingly, some of them can talk) cover your ears.

Failing to do so may result in permanent brain damage. If you find yourself having to travel through an area heavily populated by 'fans' of Old Dogs you need to bring the proper equipment. Sound cancelling headphones are a must.

Defensive weapons are also useful. Multiple daggers may also be required. If you find yourself surrounded by 'fans' of Old Dog, do not panic! Simply cup your hands around your mouth and yell in several directions.

The echoes will confuse them and they will become disoriented. Use this opportunity to cut their hamstrings and escape. Though rare, occasionally they may attempt to pursue you. If this is the case, quickly gather a handful of sticks and rocks and arrange them in a line between you and the 'fans'.

Typically they will become so frustrated by this minor obstacle that they will often spontaneously burst into flames. If your skin should come in contact with a 'fan', call poison control. While waiting for the ambulance you should treat the infected area with bleach and gin.

If no bleach and/or gin is available, amputate the infected area and pray for god's mercy. If you should accidentally view any portion of the 'movie' Old Dogs the only known antidote is the blood of a Dodo bird.

Unfortunately, the Dodo is extinct in our current timeline. Not to worry, as these is a solution. Simply build a time-machine and retrieve a sample. In fact, forget the sample. Just use the time-machine to stop yourself from seeing this movie.