Review of Old Dogs (2009) by Chads — 01 Dec 2009

With the start of Vicki's prison term nearing, the environmental activist's two kids need a babysitter while their mom does time in a state penitentary. It's a good thing that mom's one night stand wrote.

Of all the people in the world, who better than your shotgun husband, a man you divorced after the liquor turned to pee and never saw again in the proceeding seven years, to feed and dress your flesh and blood.

Money, notwithstanding, this man was a twenty-four-hour husband, but that's the movies for you. "Old Dogs", aside from being stupid, is also, formally, one of those films where childless professionals discover the joys of parenthood after pursuing successful careers in their respective fields.

Robin Williams plays Dan, the dad, and John Travolta plays Charlie, the unwilling uncle-type; they're sports marketers who, in one uncomic comic scene, smear bear poop beneath their eyes by accident, then inexplicably, leave it on, as if both men forgot that animal excrement is gross.

As Dan, Williams seemingly returns to those habitual heartwarming roles that moviegoers thought he had sworn off from taking after his career redefining performances in Mark Romanek's "One Hour Photo" and Christopher Nolan's "Insomnia".

This fondness for excessive heartrendering(or is that heart-bludgeoning) theatrics(five words: enema bulb as faux-nose) carries on, but only ostensibly so, as in one scene, where Dan, dressed as a king, has tea with his princess-costumed daughter, which on closer inspection, avoids saccharine sweetness Curiously enough, Dan is in a full-bodied puppet suit, and under Charlie's control.

The scene plays like a cry for help. After all, somebody is making Williams have this tender moment with a child actor. There's some anger here, dressed up as slapstick comedy, in which Dan maims a hand model's hands, and Seth Green's balls.