Review of Old Dogs (2009) by Princess Moriah W — 05 Jan 2011

I rate films based on three things: how I saw it as a (or with a) member of the target audience, how I saw it in a more technical aspect as a filmmaker (in-training!), and what my personal opinion as Moriah Walton was.

This film is marketed as a family comedy. As a teenager with a large family, I am part of the target audience. To help with the spectrum, I called in the opinions of a friend and her three children (ages 10, 8, and 4). The general consensus was that the film was entirelyâ¦nothing. Nondescript. It was yet another cheesy, feel-good, very slapstick family film that we've come to expect from Disney. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination. You'll probably leave the film having laughed a little, groaned a little, and then you will forget you saw it. In fact, it is so exactly like so many other Disney films that you might get just as much out of staring at a wall for 88 minutes and remembering those films as you would get watching this one. âLameâ?, âstupidâ?, and âclichà (C)â? were the words this target audience used to describe it. As far as I know, none of my friends who watched the film care to see it ever again.

Technically speaking, I was flummoxed. Why was this film made? There is nothing whatever outstanding or memorable, the âmoral of the storyâ? was obvious, everything was predictable, the plot was old news, the dialogue was forgettable, the characters were dull (and often out-of-character to fit into the storyâ¦which is bad, as you should never give up character for a story!), and what could have been seen as a nice dose of slapstick to a good script was reduced to the (very bad) attempt at a saving grace for a script that was completely boring. Currently, Disney is one of the wealthiest, most powerful companies in the world. That they wouldnâ(TM)t bother to make a better film for the millions they influence is intolerable. They COULD have done so much better, especially with the talent they had cast. Instead, the main character straps on a working jetpack (which I admit can work in the right film. However, nothing before this scene even hinted that the world of the film would support anything so unlikely) and (as expected) falls smack in the middle of a conveniently-placed pool of water. Most of the actors seem to have tried their hardest, but the overall flavor was one of cheese, blandness, and wet dog.

As Moriah, a well-done family comedy is one of my favorite things to watch. This was not a well-done family comedy. Common Sense rates it suitable for ages 8+, and I have to agree. Impossibly enough, even while excluding the youngest age groups of children from the film by putting in adult content, they still seem to be trying to pander to the mentality of a two-year-old. What we are left with is an audacious sort of condescension towards the audience, all of whom the filmmakers seem to have decided are idiots. Yesterday, an 8-year-old I babysit for confessed that it made him angry that movies and TV acted like he was âstupidâ?, and that 5-year-olds could figure out most shows in two minutes without the endless explaining they shove in for the younger set. He pointed to his 4-year-old brother as evidence, exclaiming that people acted like all kids were dumb, but his brother understood perfectly (âand heâ(TM)s just 4!â?), so why did they dumb things down for kids his age?

Herein lies what I (in my own opinion) see as the biggest problem with this film, and so many others like it. In trying to stoop down to the level of children, they deny them any challenge that could prepare them for real life, of any chance to grow, of any real lesson. In fact, the exposure to watered-down films can make a child just as watered-down. I know Disney is capable of making films that raise the bar. Instead, they chose to make âOld Dogsâ?. It could have been great. It was not. As far as I am concerned, no-one should watch this film.