Review of Octopussy (1983) by Sausages M — 11 Jun 2011

It's a total mess. Everything sucks, except Roger Moore, who merely stinks. The plot is totally incoherent and poorly explained. The chase scenes redefine the phrase 'tagged on'. The stunts, given Moore's obvious age, seem totally unbelievable. The main villain is terrible. Nothing makes any sense; there are holes in the plot you could successfully navigate the Death Star through. All this is bad enough, but worst, worst of all is the fact that it JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO END.

The gadgets and stupid and the puns make you long for something more cerebral, say, "Moonraker" (he said with heavy sarcasm). Even the theme-song is awful.

So if I hate everything about it, why have I given it 1 star? The reason is there are a few things I can pick out that I quite like. The pre-title sequence, though silly, is actually pretty entertaining (shame about the film that followed it), Kristina Wayborn has a few nice touches here and there, and I actually like the taxi chase in India.

But really, this is an All-Time-Low that wouldn't be repeated until "The World Is Not Enough", because at least even the risible "License To Kill" gave you a few unintentional laughs.