Review of No Strings Attached (2011) by Demironin — 15 Apr 2011

This film is bad Bad bad! RomCom at its lowest denominator, neither funny nor tearjerking. I'm am so angry that at how much money this film made but hardly surprised. Synopsis: This film stars Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher and I'm not even gonna use their character names because you know the audience and producers don't care.

Ashton and Natalie meet as teens at a summer camp and Kutcher is immediately attracted. They meet again ten years later at a party and then Natalie is kinda attracted because Kutcher let her use him as an excuse to get back at Natalie's mom.

..I guess?? Then they meet again five years later and she is attracted to him more? Kutcher then is told that his old girlfriend is bonking his dad and has been for a couple of months. Because of this trauma Kutcher wakes up in Portman's apartment and that morning they have sex.

Which I don't understand because the night before he acted like a drunken fool swinging his wang around in her face. I mean come on! What MIT med student would tolerate that? Ok sure he is "Ashton Kutcher" but still! The sex is so good, even though it didn't seem that good in the scene, that they decide to become "sex buddies".

Natalie Portman is a super Commitafobe and is the driving force that keeps them apart. But eventually blah blah blah you know the rest of the film. Review: Ok this film is terribly written, actually..

.I take that back. It's not that it badly written it's that it hits all the formulaic RomCom plot points. I guess its predicability what makes it so annoying. You've seen this movie before and you've seen it done better.

Examples of the terrible writing with cliched dialogue: "you always do this, you always find something wrong with everyone who likes you" "please say something" "I'm not letting you go" None of the other side characters are remotely interesting.

Every single one of them falls flat. Also the girl who plays the sister of Natalie Portman, they look nothing alike. Not that I have anything against Olivia Thirlby, she was good in the Wackness. Portman and Kutcher's chemistry is lukewarm and feels highly manipulative.

On another note, Natalie Portman totally owns Ashton Kutcher in this film. She out acts him in almost every scene. Plus she looks smokin gorgeous and Kutcher body is all flabby. I mean come on Ashton I know you're tall and your genes have passed down a ridiculously gorgeous face, but you gotta try a little buddy.

If you're a guy do not see this movie. Unfortunately if you're a not so smart teenage girl, this movie is probably like crack to you and you've probably already popped this movie into your DVD player by the time you finish this review.

If only this movie were in 3D...oh wait they're already remaking this film "Friends w/ Benefits"....