Review of Ninja Assassin (2009) by Ben P — 17 Jul 2011

Ninja Assassin starts out with a bunch of asian yakuza who inexplicably speak english getting slaughtered by an identity-less ninja assassin (!). The sequence contains a pseudo dangling cause/ foreshadowing of an old mans heart in the wrong side of his body along with plenty of computer generated unrealistic violence.

The sequence is never explained or brought up again in the entire film. What is the point of it? Actually, the point is a very true look at what is in store for the viewer. It is exactly what the rest of the film is going to be like, and it works as a sample to help you decide if you want to continue watching.

If you do watch, you'll get more undeveloped boring characters, more rarely funny humor, more bad acting, and more CG gore. Raizo, played by pop sensation Rain (not the Mortal Kombat character), is the same exact cookie cutter silent and deadly protagonist any viewer of martial arts films is likely to recognize.

The only difference with him is...... his weapon, I guess. He uses the same techniques he learned from "the bad guys" against them. His experience with learning "the bad guys" technique is shown to us with multiple cliche flashbacks we've seen in so many films before.

I refer to the ninjas as "the bad guys" as that is all we ever really learn about them. They are bad. As many script writers know, it is almost always the bad guy who has the most interesting character.

When they don't have any character, the film becomes much less engaging. Along with the main Raizo vs "the bad guys" plot there are also two small subplots. One concerns a Berlin agent Mika (who also inexplicably speaks English .

..) that only really acts as a way for the film to add more exposition and plot devices. The other is a romance subplot between Raizo and fellow clan member Kiriko. It acts a yet another overused plot devise for revenge, but it also introduces a pretty large plot hole in the process.

How the hell did Kiriko manage to last as long as she did in the clan and still remain so sweet? She must have been put through the same gruling, disgusting, and identity erasing process as everyone else, so how is she still so innocent? Just saying "because" isn't a good enough answer.

The one thing Ninja Assassins does do right is the action scenes, all of which are pretty well choreographed and fun to watch. Of course, the ultimate outcome of each fight is easy to assume (hint: the good guy wins) and sometimes the film will cheat in order to accomplish this (the ending, for instance), but they are still enjoyable.

It is not, however, worth sitting through a 99 minute film that feels twice as long to see the handful of well done fights.