Review of Nine Queens (2000) by Zak G — 27 Mar 2005

What a poor excuse for a weekend. [b][i]ONG BAK[/i][/b], [b][i]OLDBOY[/i][/b], and [b][i]KUNG FU HUSTLE [/i][/b]have not yet reached my local arthouse theater, because it's a piece of shit that would rather let [b][i]THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA [/i][/b]play for nine weeks instead of getting new, exciting films. Fucking conventional bastards............and on top of that, I've lost my cellphone. Just completely misplaced that sum-bitch. I'm such a fucking fool.

[i][b]SHE HATE ME [/b][/i]is the first Spike Lee film I've outright hated. Hell, I've never disliked any of his other films until this one. He has made exactly four masterpieces in my opinion.

[i][b]25th HOUR.

MALCOLM X.

DO THE RIGHT THING.

HE GOT GAME.

[/b][/i]So I started this on Friday, and I got excited. The beginning is great. Hell, the opening montage itself is excellent. There is one scene in the film that is so brilliant it belongs in another, better film. The scene in question is a flashback of sorts to a black security guard stumbling onto the Watergate scandal, and then a man in a Richard Nixon mask shows up with various members of the scandal that went on to have great careers. It's a brilliant scene, brilliantly photographed, brilliantly written. Too bad it goes downhill from there. Actually, I never thought I would ever say this in my life, but when the lesbians show up, this film does a complete 180 into dumbass idiocy. There is no way Spike Lee directed the second half of this film. At least, that's what I hope. It gets so lazy and so stupid in the second half that you're tempted to think that Spike ran into a film school student at a Knicks game and let him finish the second half of the film, it's that bad. Great first half. God-awful second half.

[b][i]NINE QUEENS [/i][/b]is an incredibly engrossing heist film from Argentina that I must say, fooled the shit out of me. It does have your typical double and triple and quadruple crosses, but the ending is genuinely surprising. A good little flick for fans of a good heist flick that doesn't try to go all Mamet on us and try so terribly hard to be clever. We all know my disdain for the Mamet.

[i][b]THE INCREDIBLES[/b][/i]. Wow. That's really all that needs be said. Really.

Hopefully, HOPEFULLY I'll get to see one of those first three films I mentioned this coming weekend. I do know one thing for certain. I'm going to see that masterpiece called [b][i]SIN CITY [/i][/b]again this weekend. Probably two more times. It's astounding how much I've masturbated all over that flick already, and it hasn't even officially come out yet. It's that fucking good, ya hosers.