Review of Napoleon Dynamite (2004) by Globus — 07 Sep 2014

I usually love the love-it-or-hate-it "cult" classic movies, but I guess I must proclaim now that whatever messiah started this cult is a fake. I went in with such high expectations. I remember in the fourth grade people talking about it.

For my whole life, I was led to believe joining this cult would lead to my perpetual comedic salvation. By having observed the doctrine, I can say firmly that these profits have deceived me repeatedly about this "holy relic.

" I admit, I laughed... around the start, because I was so ready for the humor to begin I was forcing myself to get ready by laughing at the semi-comedic **** thrown around for the first quarter of the movie.

Then I realized that the **** turned into llama **** or whatever the **** his pet was (a goat, maybe?) and got smeared over the entire last three-quarters of this "cult classic." The movie has no point–no real discernible, meaningful conflict that develops throughout the film.

It is impossible to connect with any of the characters, and if you actually can, I pity you. The best part about this film is the store of chuckleworthy references to make so I can leave the sheep who still subscribe to the faulty cult busting their guts on the floor (though they might be better suited to bust their brains).

But for the references alone I give it 2 point, and for the soft laughs I forced myself to make, I add a point. And for the fact it is a full length movie, another point is due. For the terrible cuts between scenes, I subtract a point.

Nothing else merits me adding points. That's a grand total of 2 + 1 + 1 -1 = 3. Okay, I think I've thoroughly refuted the idea that this "cult" really has a prophet worthy of followers.