Review of My Soul to Take (2010) by Tom R — 09 Mar 2011

I am going to make a bold statement, but I have plenty to back it up: My Soul to Take is the stupidest horror movie I've ever seen. In the realm of idiotic high school movies, it's WORSE than Twilight. It contains unreadable dialogue, awful CG blood, stereotypical characters, ludicrous plot holes, an underwhelming twist and ending, and is at no time scary or even tense. The first 10 minutes alone are asinine, proving guns aren't really effective against schizophrenics. Then we go 16 years later, where the town's youth apparently worship the Ripper (a serial killer who looks like he's from Slipknot) legend. Geez, is this REALLY what high schoolers do in their free time? Instead of having jobs, relationships, or homework, they build elaborate costumes (I know I'm harping on the costumes, but there are TWO very elaborate costumes that we're supposed to believe are built by teenagers and not the film's wardrobe department). Then we're given a mystery of who is murdering all the sixteen year olds who are killed in non-thrilling ways. You know, I'm not doing the film's dialogue any justice, but again, it's worse than dialogue from Twilight.

The saddest thing is that this film is written and directed by master of horror Wes Craven. How did he drop the ball this bad? He wrote and directed Nightmare on Elm Street and The People Under the Stairs! Did he not let anyone read his screenplay and tell him how it's overly melodramatic and detached from reality? There are so many things that go unanswered, like why does the jock suddenly become a rapist? What's up with the main character's obsession with condors? Why does everyone talk like they're in a bad episode of Gossip Girl (well, ANY episode of Gossip Girl, I guess)? As I was watching this, the only way this movie could have been slightly good is if the entire film was some sort of hallucination... at least that would have explained why everything about it was bad.

Usually, I would give a movie this miserable a 1/2 star, but I'm giving it 1 star because it is extremely easy to make fun of. And on a side note: this movie was released in theaters in 3D... why?