Review of My Bloody Valentine (1981) by Jennifer O — 25 Dec 2004

No reviews will be added. i'm just talking a bit before I take off. got really trashed on christmas eve. I drank too much and after everyone left I drank some more. not good for me, but whatever.

I plan to do the same tomorrow even though I know I shouldn't. I tend to think really bad shit when I get drunk and I get negative about everything, especially about myself and that is not a good idea when you get easily depressed. I avoid mirrors because I usually want to smash my fist through them when I am tipsy.

I have fantasies about going away somewhere and never coming back. I allow myself a few hours of that every once in a while. just thinking of all the things that could have been if I hadn't been such a fuckup for most of my life. I try not to dwell on it too much because, as I said before, I get depressed easily and I get really negative about everything. EVERYTHING.

I sometimes sit and I look and listen to my family and I feel like I don't belong here. am I really related to these people? how can it be true? jeezus. I hate where I live. it's so ugly and dirty and poor. I look around and I wonder if I am ever going to be better than I am right now and my answer is always "no, probably not.".

Then I think to myself, "come on girl, you can do it. if you try very hard, work your ass off and give it all you've got you can probably reach mediocrity one day." yay me. that's my idea of a pep talk. call me peppy. I am an optimist.