Review of My Babysitter's a Vampire (2010) by Roy C — 13 May 2011

No parents. No rules. No pulse. From the director of The Tracey Fragments, sandwiched between Superfan and gravy commercials, comes the story of high school freshman Ethan, whose line-dancing, accident-prone parents assign him a babysitter after he and his marshmallow face-stuffing friend Benny fail to care for Ethan's younger sister.

When a coven led by an age-old vampire reverend takes in the Amanda Seyfried-like babysitter at the Scott Pilgrim park staircase, fledgling vampire and anti-Bella ('Lucky for me, I think with my brain!') Sarah steps in, having been sucker punched onto the roof (the house looking suspiciously like the one from Breakfast with Scot).

Arming themselves with a debating trophy, a hockey stick signed by Ryan Seacrest, Belgian pig flu-curing holy water, tanning bed bulb lightsabers ('In no universe are you Han'), as well as decorative knives courtesy of Benny's earth priestess grandma, the trio pull warp 9 in an Oldsmobile, risking the babetastic Tower of Babe-a-lon, a secret stash of Fudgsicles, pizza ('You have exactly thirty minutes or it's free.

Engage!'), while braving publicity stunts ('If this is a punk, I knew it all along!') and vampire squirrels, to save their bloodsucking mathlete pal Rory and stop the cult's plan of turning the Dusk III: Unbitten showing into a 219-soul feeding night.

The decisive showdown between fans of Star Wars (and to a lesser extent, Star Trek; 'Dusk is based on fairy tale creatures. Star Trek is based on actual physics') and Twilight, which includes an 'incredible perv' scene where Matthew Knight gets dressed (eat your heart out, RPatz!) and some gayness between Ethan and Benny (also Rory: 'Dude, my mouth on your neck?!').

Enjoyed the marketing push and would love to have experienced the premiere event. 'Drinking your hemoglobin may be a crime, but our love will sparkle for all time.'.