Review of Monster Hunter (2020) by Meritcoba — 03 Mar 2021

There is Paul William Scott Anderson and there is that other Anderson: Paul Thomas Anderson. While the former consistently makes movies that are fluff, to his defense: they do make a profit. The latter does make acclaimed movies, but they are far less profitable. Paul was once asked a nicer version of: why do you make rubbish(while you can do better( see Mortal Kombat or Event Horizon))? He defended himself with a nicer packaged answer than this: rubbish is my trademark. And he does make a profit. I would wager that Monster Hunter will do too. Not in the democratic world where it gets panned for what it is: rubbish. But more in that countries were fluff is pushed as the daily drug: it is a movie that will slide through the censorships with such ease that you might think it was a lubricated and then slide down an ice sheet set at a right angle. Unless the bureaucrats perceive something as a jab. Maybe the monsters are the government? No, No, that will not do! The follow up for Paul's answer could have been: it might be less rubbish if you let someone competent do the writing(see Mortal Kombat or Even Horizon.) Seems that after having mauled the Resident Evil franchise with your lackluster attempts at writing you might have either learned to be better or to give up and let someone with writing skills in on the movie. But Paul just learned something else. What if there is no story at all? Paul has actually outdone himself with this one. If his previous movies were badly written, this movie is not written at all. Maybe even unwritten? The writing is not merely bad... it is not there. This is not even like the way Abrams handled the Rise of Skywalker: no story: just plot. This is like a twisted version of a Bay movie: no story, no plot: just explosions.

The incompetence of the writing is so avoidable that it baffles. One example suffices. The movie starts out with a bunch of generic American soldiers. They get introduced to us in a lackluster manner showing that they are in every way a cliché. Next they get killed of so quickly that you have to slow down the movie to see what happens to them. It is like snap: they are gone. Near the end of the movie we get introduced to another group of warriors. Perhaps it is better to say: made aware of. They look all diverse and interesting, but they are not introduced to us: they are just there. No names, nothing. Now compare this to the colonial marines in Aliens. We get introduced to a group of overconfident gung ho warriors that are all bluster, but as they go up against the aliens, they get more personality as the story unfold and they realize that they are in deep trouble. This makes the audience feel it when they get killed. They are not stereotypes, but people. And even if you kill them off early in the movie, at least introduce the new group or just leave them out.

The writing is so not there. Milla's character is a blank sheet. The Asian warrior she meets is a blank sheet. Nobody has any kind of personality or any kind of character arc. They are not there.

And if you think: hey it is a monster movie.. that is what this is about.

Well, there are two monsters in this movie. And a bunch of creepy large spiders. And they are just that. Monsters that are there and indestructible. They basically take up most of the screen time to get killed. Not in a fascinating way. All the fancy weapons do nothing to them. Only a well aimed arrow can kill them. Yep. My take on this: this movie is aimed for China, where the money is to be made. The cliche American military gets wiped out at the start and end(when even tanks and helicopters get destroyed by da dragon) because hey: it is aimed for China, where this probably invokes giggles. Otherwise Paul avoided writing so it can get past the censors. If there is nothing there, it can't be banned. Now Paul hopes it probably gets to be a franchise, just like transformers. And one wonders if sucking up to China so you can get your movie past the censors becomes some kind of morally abject action? Ah well. To quote Scriptwriter guy from Pitch Meetings whenever Producer Guy starts to have moral qualms: money.. just think money. Oh.. Ron Perlman is also in it. Don't expect anything from it. He is just there for the trailer. He cashed in and checked out.