Review of Moana (2016) by Barronofdune — 30 May 2017

GOOD.

- The animation is competent, though none of the visuals are particularly groundbreaking or creative.

- Disney learned long ago that if you give the main character ENORMOUS expressive eyes and make them charmingly klutzy it's easy to make the audience like them. That more or less works here, but again, it's a very old formula by now and has become a crutch.

- The coconut pirates were amusing.

MEDIOCRE.

- The songs are just meh. They're superficially catchy (not hard to achieve) but lack emotional engagement. Nothing comes remotely close to classic showstoppers like "Be Our Guest" or "A Whole New World".

- The Rock's performance as Maui is so-so, and I say that as a big fan of his. He's got a weird, offputting character design with beady little eyes, a caveman face, and no neck. Honestly he looked more like a villain than a hero.

AWFUL.

- Moana is a huge Mary Sue and has no character arc (OK, she very briefly doubts herself, then instantly gets over it). She has no flaws to overcome and the only growth she experiences is learning to sail her boat. This is lazy, agenda-driven writing. You can't invest in a character if right out of the gate they're the smartest, bravest, free-spirited-est Chosen One of Prophecy and have no room to grow or lessons to learn. It's boring and reads like fanfiction.

- Meanwhile the main male characters, Moana's dad and Maui, are stupid, insecure, and pretty much useless. If a kids' movie did this to all its female characters people would be shrieking and gnashing their teeth.

- The themes are: 1) home and community and tradition are boring, so leave them all behind as soon as possible! 2) Kids should ignore their lame old parents and listen to their "inner voice" instead! Grown-ups just don't get it!

3) Men screw everything up, and only women can fix their mistakes! Grrrl power!

4) The source of all creation and life is actually a jolly green Gaia spirit! Screw Christianity, it doesn't have a soundtrack by Lin-Manuel Miranda!

- There's something ugly about a multinational corporation like Disney employing a bunch of render-farm nerds in Burbank to make a movie that exploits indigenous peoples for the sake of commercialized faux-exoticism. Maybe Pacific Islanders don't need a bunch of American business executives to make movies about them and slap the IP on lunchboxes and t-shirts. Maybe doing that is just a little presumptuous, even if they let a few of them do some voice work as a fig leaf.