Review of Minions (2015) by Hanneguacamole — 14 Jul 2015

I love the minions. Somewhat ironically, but almost nostalgically. Although Despicable Me came out only about 5 years ago, but Universal wastes no time with Minions. Give the people what they want! (Although I'm not sure this is quite what the people want. I didn't need to see a minion in a thong.).

Centuries of young minion life has been shortened to a mere 90 minutes. We saw the best and the worst times, but still there was no real plot to speak of. The minions are funny (to a certain extent) and the movie did what one should expect it to do – have many banana-crazy minions running around every which way. That's what it does best and that's what I wish it would have focused on. Without a clear destination or point to the story, I was as lost as Bob and Stuart and Kevin were while trying to find their new supervillain.

I didn't like Scarlet Overkill. I probably wasn't supposed to either, but that doesn't change the fact that she was an unreliable and one-dimensional character. I wanted to see the real Scarlet, not the power-hungry queen. Or maybe even see the minions stand up for themselves! I was disappointed with the story past their despair ice caves. I would have rather watched the minions in that cave for 90 minutes than watch the lifeless action sequence with the oddball villains that seemed strikingly out of place.

Being a third sequel, I never had high expectations. This isn't Toy Story, and you're not going to cry. You'll laugh a couple times, cringe a few more, and walk out of the theater with a shrug. I wish I could have as much as enthusiasm as Bob did, but that is completely unrealistic.