Review of Men in Black II (2002) by Ryan M — 12 Jun 2012

* out of ****.

Barry Sonnenfeld is one of those directors who just wants you to have a good time. That seems to be the motive behind each and every one of his motion pictures so far, and that must also be the motive of "Men in Black II". But as I watched it, I realized in no time at all that this wasn't a "good time". This wasn't entertaining, well-made, or funny. This wasn't even half-decent. In fact, this was just down-right crummy. Sonnenfeld had brought an interesting and clever concept to the screen with the first "Men in Black", which could be described in so many ways because yes, it's really that good; although I would personally refer to it as a welcome comic spin on the alien invasion genre with an extra layer that evokes the atmosphere of a buddy comedy that was about a top secret organization that existed to hunt down the alien life forms living among us. It mixed science fiction, comedy, and action all at once, and the end results were most impressive. But as they say, a truly good idea can sometimes only work once; and this film does well to promote those words and the credibility of whoever said them. Here, all entertainment value, charm, and energy seem to have been sucked out of every frame; leaving behind a movie that is boring, annoying, and practically joyless.

Five years after the events of "Men in Black", Agent J (Will Smith) must find a new partner as Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) has been neuralyzed and is now living a new life as a Massachusetts postmaster. The talking alien dog that was featured for about a minute or two in the original film now plays a larger role, as the first contestant for the spot that Agent K once upheld. However, nothing sticks, and Agent J seeks his old partner out yet again so that the agency may have him once again at their disposal (he is regarded as a legend back at the MIB headquarters). Also, the agency needs K back desperately; as a new threat has emerged - an alien seductress named Serleena (Lara Flynn Boyle) and her partner-in-crime, a two-headed trickster (Johnny Knoxville). K is the only one who possesses substantial information in regards to "The Light of Zartha"; which Serleena desires. The "light" is located on a bracelet worn by Laura Vasquez (Rosario Dawson), whose character exists in this plot for no other reason aside from to provide Agent J with a love interest.

It literally feels like everyone aboard is sleepwalking through every scene and every scenario. Will Smith has had much better days (although I don't think it gets much worse than an un-charismatic performance for him), as has Tommy Lee Jones, who looks just plain unhappy to be here (and with good reason). Rip Torn returns as the head of the MIB, and he's still pretty awesome; but his screen-time is far too limited. Meanwhile, the villainous Flynn Boyle is hardly villainous at all; just like Knoxville. They both give borderline awful performances completely devoid of any spirit whatsoever. Tony Shalhoub returns as the illegal weapons dealer Jeebs (the dude with the regenerating head, remember him?) and he's one of the only ones here that emerges in-tact, but only because he plays his part so naturally. Frank the Pug provides some laughs, but just like the rest of the bland attempts at "humor"; the giggles are merely sporadic.

Nothing pisses me off more than a God-awful sequel to an awesome original. "Men in Black II" is utter rubbish in the sense that there isn't a moment that it feels inspired or particularly exhilarating. Sonnenfeld doesn't seem to be that passionate about the whole affair; which is evident in the fact that, for the most part, not even the visuals are fun to look at. The action scenes are boring, the effects are silly, and the cinematography is...well, I guess they're safe there. And as for Rick Baker's newest alien creations; well, the practical creature effects are nice but the CGI is meh. Therefore, the creatures are rarely exciting and never get a decent chance to shine. My guess is that the studio is mostly responsible for the failure of this one. Or maybe it was the fact that "Men in Black" did not require a sequel unless the writer(s) and director(s) knew where they wanted to take the characters and the franchise in a whole, yet they decided to make one for the hell of it (and for the money, obviously). Oh God, someone please just neuralyze my ass.