Review of Memoria (2021) by Chalupacabra — 26 May 2022

One could take a still photo of Tilda Swinton looking befuddled, tape it to one's window and stare at it for two hours and ten minutes, intermittently dropping a heavy object on a hard surface, and the experience would be roughly equal, yet somehow far less tedious than seeing this film.

Calling this a movie would be inaccurate, as that would require some movement. It's an unbearable screensaver of a film with no plot to speak of. I guess they wanted to label it as sci-fi for some reason, so they throw in a random spaceship that has literally nothing to do with anything in the film. It's not sci-fi though, if I had to put a genre to it, I guess I'd go with "assorted stock footage". It's literally a collage of random lingering shots with a couple of actors thrown in so that you can call it cinema and sell tickets.

There is nothing offensive or provoking or even interesting about this film, yet somehow it made me deeply, deeply angry. I guess if you think movies are just supposed to make you feel things, this can be considered a success. A great success, one might say.

If you're one of those people that enjoy being bored to tears, have I got a doozie for you.

Tilda, if you're reading this, I want my money back.