Review of Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010) by Jonathan C — 04 Jan 2011

Admittedly, the rating of two stars is too high for a film as bad as "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus." This is indeed a bad, bad movie, certainly not worthy of traditional recommendation. But I find something of a delirious joy in bad movies such as this. I mean, given the title of this film, what else could one expect? This movie knows it is a bad movie, accepts that it is a bad movie, and then goes out on a limb to see how bad it can get. To give the film only one star would feel about as honorable to me as pissing on a dead dog would. The movie is terrible and stupid but also fun and lively in the right environment. Is it wrong to celebrate a film's badness through the power of laughter? I don't think so, and I found much to chuckle about here.

This is of course a sequel to 2009's "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus," a cheapie direct-to-DVD cheesefest that drew lots of cult attention and fandom simply because of its title. That film was made by The Asylum, a company that specializes in crap that usually blatantly rips off much more famous films and feature horrible special effects that usually wind up in heavy rotation on the SyFy channel. 80s pop superstar Debbie Gibson starred in "Giant Octopus," and it was quite a bizarre treat to watch her saying her lines, all of which involved giant fighting monsters, with what was supposed to be a straight face. That film was as bad as you would hope it would be. These are indeed the kind of films you want to be bad. If a film has the words "Mega Shark" in the title, you can assume this isn't entertainment on the same line as, let's say, "Frost/Nixon.".

"Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus" offers little new aside from a giant crocodile to battle the shark, and it doesn't quite hit the same achingly hilarious heights of its predecessor. But thankfully it is as bad as you would expect it to be, maybe even worse, which is perhaps what makes it so funny. The sheer lunacy and (intentional?) ineptitude of the film make it worth watching. That is, if you like laughing at bad movies. If you don't, I don't know why you would be watching a film with this title anyway. This is basically 85 minutes of tasty stupidity.

Debbie Gibson doesn't star in this film, but in my opinion, they've managed to do one better. Jaleel White, that's right, Urkel from fucking "Family Matters," is our lead here. He plays an army officer who is some kind of shark expert as well, but that's really not important. He has created some kind of shark repellent sonar, a concept the film never tries (or needs) to clearly explain, when the big Magalodon from the first film attacks his boat and kills everyone in the process, except for poor Jaleel, who mourns the loss of his fiancà (C) and vows revenge on the big ole shark. Meanwhile, in an African Congo that looks suspiciously like a movie set, a big game hunter is hired to catch a giant beast that's been bothering a big company's local mining operation. Turns out the beast is a giant crocodile (whose origins are never discussed or questioned), and before long the big game hunter and Urkel have to team together as these two giant beasts begin throwing down over some eggs both are inexplicably drawn to. An epic battle begins, one that includes the Mega Shark swallowing a nuclear sub and the giant crocodile's eggs hatching to reveal giant baby crocodiles.

This movie is as bad as any of The Asylum's other lame DVD Z-movies, but like its predecessor this "Mega Shark" has a certain charm to it, with its completely over-the-top and implausible story to the stunt casting of Jaleel White to the laughably half-assed special effects and editing. My favorite element of badness here may be the lame sets that are constantly used. I can only imagine the questions that were uttered during pre-production. "Why use a real bar when you can make a set look kinda like the idea of a bar? Why not spend most of the movie inside of a fake helicopter in front a blue screen, with actors looking out the windows like they are in an SUV going 20? Why not use the same submarine set for multiple submarine subplots? No one will notice if the actors are all different." The film looks like it was shot on a $50 budget, with the effects literally looking like PC games or failed designs from "Shark Tale" superimposed on the screen. This movie isn't so bad it's good. It's so bad it's so bad. Which is good. I laughed a lot.

When watching these movies I always wonder what the actors are thinking. Jaleel White must be in the joke, surely. He seems to be trying in his performance, which makes it all the funnier, because this material, and his acting in general, is so ridiculous in itself. The other actors are all just as bad, although nobody tops the wooden reactions some of the bit players on the submarines. The real stars are the shark and the crocodile, and their badly animated battle at the end is hilarious in a giddy "Godzilla" way. I think this movie is crap, yes, and I have been honest about that, but I also enjoy it and like it for the nonsense that it is. If you feel you would do the same, you know who you are. Now I am quasi-excited to see what giant animal the stupid shark will fight next.