Review of Mean Machine (2001) by Billy M — 03 Mar 2015

This is a fairly agreeable, if unimpressive, remake of The Longest Yard. The fact that the movie is a crowd pleaser, and it is an unabashed crowd pleaser at that, does not mean that this is a good film.

The fact that the cons beat the guards during the climactic game, as satisfying as it once, featuring some funny lines from the commentators (easily the comedic highlight of the film), that doesn't mean that the film prior to the soccer game, which felt a little undramatic, was any good.

The story is pretty much missable. You don't invest in it at any moment in time, while Vinnie Jones plays a likable type, probably for the first time in his career, and does a good job at it. He doesn't come across like he's trying too hard to be a likable guy, but you don't really care that much about the character to be honest.

He's just there as plot device, to move the story forward. And, really, that's essentially what every main character is. They're a plot device to get from point A, which is the start, to point B, which is the end of the film.

It's just that it's incredibly transparent in this film that that's what Danny Meehan is. His personality consists of beign a former soccer player and major celebrity that sold out his country during a match with Germany.

He's fallen from grace at the beginning of the film before he ends up in prison. That's essentially all the development the character undergoes. He doesn't change, in any way, shape, or form.

He's the same character at the end that he is at the beginning. I think that's probably one of the worst things a film could do. How are you supposed to care for a character when you don't seen any actual change.

I suppose he learned to be selfless at the end, but that's only minimal because it's not like he was being a selfish asshole throughout most of the film. The film's highlights, outside of the commentators during the game, are Jason Statham as the Monk and.

..that's about it really. The movie isn't, honestly, that bad. It's just one that's content to play it safe and go the cliched route rather than try something different with a worn-out formula.

It was not to be apparently. It's easier to do that than take a risk and fall flat on your face. Of course, you COULD play it safe and also fall on your face as well. But I guess distributors will take chances with films they know can be a big hit.

I don't know, but it doesn't seem to me that this was that big of a film. But that's just me. Not bad, watchable enough, but you wouldn't be missing anything if you decided to skip this movie and give Dead Snow 2 a shot instead.

Not fair to compare the two, but Dead Snow 2 was great. Watch that instead.