Review of Masters of the Universe (1987) by Jamie S — 28 Jan 2009

An embarrassment of epic proportions. Which is especially bad when you considering how godawful cheesy the old cartoon is in retrospect. A little bit of decent design work, but far too many of the visuals are blatantly ripped off from Return of the Jedi. The finale also borrows way too heavily from a classic Captain America comic, with the skull-faced villain (Red Skull and Skeletor) getting an artifact of insane power (the Cosmic Cube or Greyskull) to defeat a super-strong hero (Cap or He-Man) who pretends to be subservient and tricks the baddie into making an arrogant mistake. Oh, and, then, Skeletor is tossed down a shaft--just like Palpatine in Return of the Jedi, which is probably fitting because this character looks more like Palpatine than he does any other incarnation of Skeletor. (He even throws blue lightning, for God's sake!) Throw in a ridiculous synthesizer-playing midget (who I can only assume replaced Orko because of the limits of 1987 special effects), a pointless excursion to Earth that takes up most of the movie, and an ignoble beginning to Courteney Cox's career, and this is a disaster on all levels.

Only one scene, where Teela is shocked to learn that humans on Earth eat animals (gasp!) is even remotely enjoyable.

If you want a remake or update of the old cartoon, don't waste your time here. Watch the (short-lived) 2002 series instead, and cross your fingers that the upcoming live action film won't suck like this rancid turd.