Review of Masters of the Universe (1987) by Lother — 25 Jul 2021

MOTU Viewer: Hey, so why would Teela decide to abandon her post, her dream job, her army, her kingdom, two grieving parents, and disown her family just because she didn't know Adam was He-Man? Like, it's not a great place to be, but loads of ppl didn't know he was He-Man. Even his own dad. And the ones who did know, knew because the Sorceress told them back in the day, not Adam, and only so Adam would have guides and support while he bore the burden of being He-Man and keeping the secrets of Grayskull and the sword of power safe. All this seems like a bit of a wild reaction if I'm honest, and completely out of character for Teela. Why is she such an emotionally resentful and self-centred person now?

Show: Don't know. But look how strong and female she is. And gay.

Viewer: Yeah, about that, how come you imply she's gay now, but do nothing with it in terms of the narrative or in developing her character. This kinda reminds me of Loki's throwaway bi-sexuality. You do less here than shows who first did this sort of thing more than a decade ago, like Korra and Xena. But these days, isn't this just cynical and lazy queerbaiting?

Show: Nope. It's (reads from cue card) diverse and inclusive.

Viewer: Hey, so this Andra girl is smart (except when she doesn't know anything about a massive war that happened a handful of years ago for some reason), brave, and pretty self-less. She seems to want to be a hero and help Eternia. This motivation would appear to put her wants and needs at complete odds with Teela's, who only cares about money and not being a hero. Why at no point during the series does that ever become a point of conflict as more and more people die and the mission becomes more dangerous?

Show: Don't know.

Viewer: Hey, so how did Teela manage to summon magical power she had no idea she possessed when fighting not-Skeletor in hell? What did she do to subdue him in his own house, and nab the sword? It seemed to be more than turning his game against him, and something awakened in her akin to the Sorceress' power. How did any of that work? Why did it seem so easy and convenient? Even the Sorceress can't do magic like that quite so easily. What gives?

Show: Don't know. But she's his worst nightmare now!

Viewer: (sighs...) she certainly is. So, if she's doing magic now, and she hates magic, shouldn't she have less of a gung-ho reaction to it? Shouldn't she be slightly disturbed at what this means? And why doesn't she, you know, just do it again and own not-Skeletor instead of letting Orko **** die and blaming Evil-Lyn for it?

Show:

Viewer: Hey, so why does Teela mourn the death of Roboto more than Adam? In fact, if he has all of Duncan's memories, wouldn't he also have known Adam was He-Man? Is she not pissed off at him as well?

Show: Because she's a complex and emotional creature, misogynist. And as for the Roboto knowing everything Duncan knows... yea, I guess Teela kinda forgot about that.

Viewer: Hey, so does Teela really not speak to her dad, Orko, Cringer, or Roboto after leaving the palace until the events of episode 3? She has no idea how sick Orko was or how they were doing? But wouldn't she have wanted answers about Adam and the secret once she calmed down and got herself together? Wouldn't she want to reconsider all her rash decisions before this point and reach out to her father to understand the truth that was hidden from her? Did she really just cut them all out of her life because they told her a lie? Like, completely and forever cut them out? Is Teela a psychopath? A narcissist?

Show: No, she's a strong woman now, and to be a strong woman, you simply need to be just like a man, but without the reason or accountability. And you need muscles.

Viewer: About the muscles...

Show: She's a warrior, you big chauvinist. Girl warriors have muscles.

Viewer: Okay... then why does Evil-Lyn have huge muscles? She's not a physical warrior. She's a mage who needs hired guns to do full-on fighting for her.

Show: Err...

Viewer: While we're at it, if all the magic's gone from Eternia except for wee scraps here and there, how is Evil-Lyn initially doing that disguise spell? And why is she being presented as some sort of spurned yet redeemable anti-hero rather than Skeletor's co-conspirator?

Show: Now you listen to us, boy. All women are inherently good. All men are liars, heretics, cheats, bad fathers, skeleton monsters, or DEAD. Keep up. You're just angry because you think we ruined He-Man.

Viewer: You didn't ruin him. How could you? He's not in it. You didn't ruin Skeletor either. Because he's also not in it - and it's probably for the best because I don't trust you to write for that supreme, meme machine, sassy **** You ruined Teela. You kinda ruined Man At Arms. The only one you didn't ruin was Orko and that's because you **** killed him instead.

Show: I'm so glad we could subvert your expectations.