Review of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994) by Jesse O — 09 Aug 2010

This movie is NO good. Kenneth Branagh just has to be the goofiest and dorkiest version of Victor Frankenstein to ever appear on screen. He's just a dork. I hate comparing this movie to Young Frankenstein, as that movie is really more based on the Universal Frankenstein horror movies from the 30s but goddamn was Gene Wilder so great in that movie.

Kenneth Branagh just fails miserably at his job here. He doesn't even look the age his character is supposed to be. So I don't understand why he was cast here, well I probably DO understand, here was Kenneth's chance to headline a high-budget Hollywood movie so he was like "I'm perfect for Victor's part" and he basically cast himself.

He's just absolutely no good in this movie AT ALL. He's not a bad actor by any means (I've never been impressed though). He's still no good here. It doesn't help matters that the dialogue is poor as fuck.

It's hokey and melodramatic. I understand that Kenneth has produced (and starred in..amazingly enough) in several adaptations of Shakespeare plays. That's fine, but that doesn't mean you have to transfer that melodrama to a movie where it really doesn't fit and that's the problem with the movie.

It tries too hard to be dramatic when there's not enough connection to the characters for it to actually work. Ugh the dialogue is just horrid and the movie is full of campy and hokey scenes. This movie is such a failure of a movie that I have a hard time coming up with things I actually liked about the movie.

I guess The Creature itself was part of what I liked, not sure what I like exactly, because there's no explicable reason why the creature goes from being a nice creature to just being a killing machine.

The family in the forest rejected him and he was like "AAAAAGH *rage quit humanity*" and just gave the fuck up and started killing mofos. But then he's like "Nah I'm not gonna kill you fucker.

..I want me a wife" yet he killed Victor's brother. Why??? I don't fucking know...then at the end after Victor dies he's like "*sob sob* Woe is me *sob sob* HE WAS MY FATHER!?!?!?! *sob sob*" The Creature reminds me of my least favorite cylon in the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica series.

...NUMBER 8. She was like "Oh I may be a cylon but I'm one of you even though I shot our commander...Please forgive me I didn't know what I was doing...HAHA you trusted me *kills humans*..

.No no wait, I was led to believe that what I was doing was right, forgive me...HAHA NO I'M EVIL...I just kidnapped the child that will save humanity...No no no, it was all a fiendish plot to save the child and give them to you humans.

...BUT NO, it's a double fiendish plot as I used the child, but I'm gonna take her back to the cylon airship." You get what I'm saying, it was impossible to like her character because she was never consistent, same with The Creature.

I'm sure the creature was supposed to be like a tragic figure, but it just fails miserably. Also if Victor Frankenstein was recounting what happened to ship's captain, how come he knew what the creature was up to after he escaped??? Y'all remember that scene where the creature and Victor were having a cup of tea discussing what ol' Frankie's monster was up to after he escaped? Also the scene where the Frankenstein's house exploded.

How could ONE FEMALE, of average height, cause so many explosions in one gigantic house??? That scene was laughable. But to be honest a good 90% of the movie is laughable. Also John Cleese with long hair and a beard looks remarkably like Billy Connolly does he not? But the wig AND the teeth look so ungodly fake I couldn't help but laugh, which is the story of this movie.

Ugh this movie is no good at all, even if it's faithful to the book, this movie comes nowhere CLOSE to the greatness of Young Frankenstein. This movie is melodramatic, has shitty dialogue (therefore rendering any good acting useless), shitty direction, and it's just an overall embarrasment of a movie, so avoid at all motherfucking costs.

If all else fails and you HAVE to see this movie (be it through an enemy torturing you or being stranded on a deserted island) just kill yourself...I guarantee you'll have more fun thinking of ways to kill yourself.