Review of Mars Needs Moms (2011) by Jonny 9 — 05 Dec 2011

As we learned from Tom Hanks in "Polar Express", motion capture animation is six shades of creepy. Simon Wells kicks it up a notch (thanks, Emeril!) by painting his animated creation in shades of dark gunmetal gray and dark charcoal gray interspersed with some flashing neon gray.

Given that 3D films suffer from a lack of contrast, one suspects viewers who saw it in 3D must have felt like they were watching a 1940's noir film on a dark night through London fog. In either 2D or 3D to the "what-is-that?" visuals the great grandson of H.

G. Wells adds a plot about mother abduction, internment and isolation in an alien environment and a boy trapped with a geeky adult male who lives alone and creates labyrinthine hidden interiors. Never has the phrase "we could be best buds" seemed quite so disconcerting.

While it is unclear if Gribble appears on the Martian sexual offenders registry, it is clear that New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd designed their society and may even be "The Supervisor." Martian babies, who spring from the group every 17 years - yeah that's it kids, babies just spring from the ground, sure that's right - are immediately divided by gender with males sent, literally, to the giant junk heap below the underground city (the topography is hard to follow but seemingly Martians live underground in an artificial city that floats above vast caverns).

Damn scientific minded viewers will point out that if babies spontaneously from spring from the ground than different genders would not have evolved. Chauvinist viewers will dislike the film for being anti-male with its discarding of boys and portrayal of male Martians as "wingnuts".

Feminist viewers will dislike the film for portraying female Martians as either helpless (the mother) or evil (all Martians except Ki). Viewers who don't fall into either camp will just dislike the film.

In short, see Cronenberg's "Dead Ringers" with your kids - it is less icky.